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How to Improve Your Quality of Life by up to 90 Percent

A foreigner

“Children are all foreigners.”

-R.W. Emerson

Children have a precious talent. They become enamored so easily, and by anything. Take a walk through a park with a young child, and it doesn’t take long before he’s stopped, crouched on the side of the path, captivated by a red leaf or line of marching ants. Wide-eyed and oblivious to you and everything else, he just watches.  He’s become enraptured by a curious sight that is — to him — a miracle.

About six years ago, when I was at my most miserable and unpleasant, I remember being asked by a concerned family member, “Well when were you happy?”

I had to think about it. “When I was a kid,” I answered, vaguely aware that it was not really an exaggeration. In particular I remembered the feeling of sheer abundance of summer break: sixty straight days of nothing but exploration and imagination.

Racing bikes down the trails by the river. Exploring the undergrowth for cool-looking bugs. Making up clubs and secret handshakes on a whim. Building forts.

We never seemed to have any ambivalence about what we did. An idea would occur to us, and then we’d be right in the middle of it, absorbed completely.

By age nineteen I had the distinct sense that I had lost something vital: a feeling of possibility and wonder in life.

This feeling of lack grew intensely as I bumbled through college. During the height of my unhappiest period, the elusive quality of wonder appeared frequently in dreams, which only made waking life that much more awful. I wanted it so bad, and I thought it was gone forever.

Eventually I recovered from my funk and began to experience the feeling of wonder more and more, at first by happenstance, and then by deliberately cultivating it. I’ve discovered several ways to do it, and in this article I’ll share an easy one that could open your eyes to a whole host of wonder-making possibilities.

Quality loss

Everyone’s life is composed primarily of repetitive everyday events that seem unremarkable. Making dinner, walking to your car, buying a newspaper, dropping files in someone’s in-basket.

These moments make up 90-something percent of every life, but they are so routine and ordinary that you’ll never look back on them or recount them to someone else. They’re boring. We go through their motions so we can get to the parts of life we really want.

It is worth asking this question: What is the quality of that 90+ per cent of your life? Do you, like many, dismiss the bulk of your time on earth, leaning towards certain more exciting moments in the future?

Kids find wonder everywhere with ease, but as we grow up we seem to pick up the troublesome habit of ignoring the present moment in favor of more important ones that may happen later. We think about what we have to do in the office while we are still showering. We think about being off work while we are at work. We think about 4:30 when it’s 2:30. We think about Friday when it’s Thursday.

The causes of this common habit are many, and I will explore them in another article. For now, suffice it to say that most of us feel like we’ve lost most of our capacity for bewilderment, somewhere between childhood and high school.

With a bit of attention, we can get it back.

Coming back to our senses

One eye-opening method is to incorporate the idea of ritual into your daily tasks.  When you think of the word ritual, some bizarre images may arise in your mind: hooded druids, incense, green tea, ceremonial masks, skulls with candles on them, maybe.  Forget those images.  You don’t need any special supplies.  What you do in your rituals isn’t even important.  Any action, from putting a CD in the stereo, to reading a story to your child, to going to the mailbox to get the paper, can become vivid and poignant scene.

It doesn’t even need to be something you do often.  The one thing that all rituals have in common is that they are performed with attention.  The participants are fully absorbed in what they are doing, because they believe their actions are important.

Essential to this idea is respect for the things and people involved.  Throughout your rituals, recognize the value and usefulness of objects as you pick them up.  Recognize the sensitivities and virtues of people as you interact with them.  Carelessness and haste have no place here.

The purpose of ritual is to remind you that what you are doing is significant simply because it is what you are doing right now. Rituals need not have any lofty spiritual or religious pretensions; we’re just trying to cultivate attention.  You don’t need to light candles or burn frankincense.

The ritual may be a single action, or a series.  For example, when I leave my apartment to go to work in the morning, I often conduct it as something of a ritual.

First I remind myself not to rush.  With undivided attention, I perform the following steps, or similar ones:

The Turning off of the Lights – The bedroom, then the kitchen, then the living room.  As I snap each switch off, I observe the stark instant when the room changes character, from inviting and alive, to dormant and still.  I go into the foyer.

The Donning of the Jacket and Shoes – Ah my grey jacket… my holy armor for the journey to work.  Light rain is no threat to me now.  I pay attention to its weight and feel as I put it on. Without straining or balancing awkwardly, I slip each shoe onto a socked foot and feel my readiness to be outside, rain or shine.

The Assembly of the Work Bag, Sunglasses, Cell Phone, Bagged Lunch and Daybook – Essential supplies, all of them.  They promise to provide for the immediate needs of my mind and body throughout the day.  How lucky am I to carry with me the tools and supplies I need to feed myself, clothe myself, and protect my body and eyes from the elements, and – most amazingly – beam my voice through the ether to virtually anyone on the planet?  I truly am a 21st century superequipped superman.

The Checking of the Attitude – Am I looking forward to work?  Hesitant?  Leaning towards the weekend?  Fearful?  Excited?

The Exit and Locking of the Door – I step through and slip in my brass key with the worn rubber ring on it.  Creak.  Thud.  Click.  My little box of possessions is now locked and waiting for my return.  I find myself in the hallway.  It smells like dust and electric heater.

The March down the Corridor – There is a large picture window high up above the stairway at the end of the hall, giving me a living snapshot of this particular morning.  As I pass each door, I hear muted bits of morning newscasts, groggy breakfast-table conversations, and frying eggs.  Each one fades in and then out into the next one.

The Descent of the Staircase, and Exit – The foyer is always stuffy, but both doors push open easily and I don’t hurry my pace one bit.  I push the exit door slowly, unsure if someone is on the other side.  I open it with the same wonder and curiosity as I would an unfamiliar door.  For a moment I think of Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, peering through the widening crack of her front door after the tornado has dropped her house somewhere else.

The Crossing of the Parking Lot – As I exit the muggy foyer of the apartment I am always greeted with a new air and soundscape.  Sometimes sunny with chirping birds, sometimes rainy with a breeze, sometimes fog and a passing train.  Today it is cool and clear, the asphalt is dry. I head over to my shiny, black machine.

The Seating of the Pilot in the Car – I swing open the door, heave my bag onto the passenger seat, lower myself in, and close the door.  Silence, or near to.  I buckle up and turn the key, awakening my miraculous machine into a purring state of readiness.  My ancestors would have killed for such a powerful device.  And through good fortune and my own hard work, I have secured one for myself.

The Piloting of the Vehicle – Careful not to become impatient, I back the contraption out, shift into D, and glide through the lot, relaxed and smiling in my protected, upholstered throne. I turn onto the main drag and push in the accelerator, as the breeze whirling by my window picks up…

The above is just a small taste of the exclusive details available in the moments we usually miss. It may sound laborious or stilted, but all flows rather fluidly, because I do not let my mind or my body poise themselves to perform the next step until the current one has been seen through to completion.  I am not thinking of sitting in my car while I am still walking over to it.  I’m just paying attention to what it feels like to walk over to the car.  Most of the time I’m not thinking at all, I’m concentrating on the physical feeling of what I’m doing.

The Thought Habit

When you’re trying to stay focused on the actions, thoughts will come up and attempt to occupy your attention again.  Most thoughts are not useful in the moment; they’re just conditioned mental reflexes, and there are triggers all over the place.  To keep your attention on what you’re doing, make a general policy of dumping a train of thought unless the thought determines the next action you take. Nineteen times out of twenty, it doesn’t, and you’re better off ditching it.

The whole operation doesn’t take any more time than doing it absent-mindedly, and the experience will leave you grateful and mindful for the next part of your day.  Those steps all have to be completed anyway, so what would be the benefit in letting your attention wander to something else?  There is none that I can think of, but it’s what would happen if you didn’t make a point of doing it all deliberately, by ritualizing it.

Most people will find this difficult at first. The mind will wander, and soon you are not really paying attention to the event itself.  Perhaps you are preoccupied with your thoughts about what you are doing, rather than the sensation of doing them. There is a simple way to recover your wandering attention from your thoughts: just place your attention on the physical sensations involved in the action.  Don’t think about them, just observe them.  Sounds, feelings, textures.

Your attention is finite, and when you assign it to the sensations themselves, you minimize the amount available for thinking.  Thought forms such as preconceptions, opinions, criticisms, fears and aversions all cease, and the moment can unfold without the usual threat of being rejected or disregarded by the mind.

Whenever one of these obnoxious thoughts arises, just remember it’s only the mind’s bad habit, and return your attention to the present physical sensations.  Choose any sense to focus on, at first.  I like to start by paying attention to how my skin feels and how my clothes feel on me, then I expand my attention to the moment’s visual spectacle, followed by the rich palettes of sounds and smells it offers me.

So whenever you find yourself in that 90+% of life where you’re between the moments you really want, it comes down to a choice between two habits:

1) The habit of appreciating the moment itself and its physical details, or

2) The habit of letting your mental chatter preoccupy you with hypothetical future moments that promise fulfillment.

Whenever you indulge one habit, you strengthen it and weaken the other.  Most of us shift over to the second habit as we age and accrue responsibilities, and it costs us bigtime.  It makes most of life forgettable and not particularly enjoyable.  Ritual is one way to choose door number one.  What is that 90% of your life worth to you?

TRY THIS:

Here is just a short list of routine tasks you can ritualize:

Purchasing something – Roam the aisles until you see the kind of artifact you came looking for.  Pick one up, turn it over in your hands, notice its weight. How is the craftsmanship?  Is it a fair price? When you are satisfied, bring it up to the front of the store, and wait in line.  Forget the next errand you have to do; you’re here, so be here.  What are other people purchasing?  What is the clerk like?  Hurried? Gracious?  Experienced or green?

Sitting down to dinner with your family – Let your weight sink into your chair and take the load off your legs.  Close your eyes for a second and notice the background noise.  Take a breath and let go of any thoughts about the day leading up to this, or what you expect to do later.  Eat slowly and pay special attention to the taste and feel of it.  You’re alive and well, about to enjoy a meal with the people who matter most.  How fortunate.  It’s likely not the last one you’ll experience, but who knows?  Only this one is guaranteed.

Making a phone call – The phone is a modern miracle, don’t ever forget it.  It shoots your voice across cities, forests, mountains, and oceans to anyone willing to listen.  What will your message be? Pick up the device and enter the proper code. It rings… and a faceless voice answers.  A friend, a merchant whose wares have you interested, an administrator who can redirect your message, or maybe an unexpected stranger.  Have a real exchange, rather than just barking your thoughts at them.

Start slow.  Pick one thing to do today and devote to it your undivided attention.  Defend its importance from your mind’s aimless wanderlust.  It’s important because it’s what you’re doing right now, it’s your life.  If you need inspiration, small children are great role models.

Photo by Pink Sherbet Photography

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Nadia - Happy Lotus March 20, 2009 at 9:34 am

Hi David,

You are right, we take so many things for granted. I think it all boils down to being in the moment and being aware of what we are doing.

That is what I love about each day…the new adventures that await me! So here’s to living in the moment! Cheers! :)

Josh March 28, 2009 at 6:48 am

I enjoyed your description of the power of rituals. Seeing you turn the mundane into the magnificent was a real treat and served as a great reminder as to the powers of the human mind. I’m not sure if I’m going to take the advice to heart, though.

Allow me to play devil’s advocate.

If the goal of life is to be as present as possible then I know of a much easier way to begin fully enjoying this present moment… it’s called dying.

Seriously, people on the other side are present all the time. The air is a lot thinner there, too–thoughts manifest so fast there’s no reason to think them again (cuts down on the mind chatter.) And I hear the view is spectacular too!

The point of living the human experience is to acknowledge what you don’t want so you can consciously create what you do want. Not to disconnect from the human aspects of life by going into a conditioned state of presence.

Life doesn’t bore you because life is boring; you feel bored because it’s an indication that something more is going on.

It’s true that when something feels important we are more present; and, indeed, we are the ones who determine what’s important. But what’s the point of using that power to turn the things that naturally bore you into the important ones?

That’s like hanging out with people you find boring and deciding to take up drinking rather than find new friends.

Being present makes it easier to enjoy life the same way alcohol makes it easier to enjoy lame company. But both are just ways of disconnecting from your true desires.

If you have to work at being present, you’re probably not doing what you really want to be doing. You’re free to condition yourself into a state of presence, but recognize that that’s the energetic equivalent to ordering a cocktail at a boring dinner party.

The purpose of having a vivid imagination is to preview potential futures so you can better determine what you truly desire. Not to spice up the 90% of your present-day circumstances that you’ve already determined you don’t want.

Kids are fascinated by many aspects of life, but they get bored too. They don’t get bored because life suddenly lost all fascination, they get bored because life is calling them to explore something new. And when life calls them, they listen; instantly off to explore whatever catches their fancy. They don’t put responsibility ahead of desire the way adults do so they have no trouble connecting with the sheer wonder of life.

You don’t find many toddlers with drinking problems for the same reason you don’t find many kids wanting to meditate. Kids are naturally high.

When you’re living in true pursuit of your desires, life needs no substitute.

The real juice of life is in finding the things that naturally elicit presence from you and pursuing them. Anything else is crawling into a bottle.

David March 28, 2009 at 10:11 am

Hi Josh, welcome to Raptitude, and thanks for your comment.

Life doesn’t bore you because life is boring; you feel bored because it’s an indication that something more is going on.

That’s an interesting point. Yes I agree, boredom serves the
purpose of directing us towards what we really do want in life. However, I think our desires are usually pretty clear; nature has done a good job of that. Too good, even.

We certainly do need to know what we want. The problem though, is that the fulfillment of our desires only comprises a small percentage of our time. If we reject the greater portion in favor of the lesser, then life is mostly wanting rather than appreciating.

I don’t share your point of view about presence being some sort of escapism. Presence is acceptance, not escape. It is certainly nothing like alcohol; in fact, compulsive thinking is what we use to insulate ourselves from what is around us. Presence creates direct contact with it. It’s the exact opposite, in my experience. When you are present, there is nothing to escape.

I guess where we disagree is that I don’t believe anything has any intrinsic boringness to it; that was my whole point. Thinking about a more desirable moment is what creates the boredom, it’s what creates the desire to escape. Boredom is just an unskillful way of relating to what’s around you. Boredom (which is nothing other than rejecting the moment) is the bottle people crawl into, in my opinion.

If you take the approach of altering or “spicing up” the other 90%, it means you reject it as it is. I see people do this a lot, with food, alcohol, cigarettes, BlackBerries, nail biting and overthinking. The incessant need to make the moment into something else is what makes life so difficult. There are miracles everywhere, but fixating on what needs to happen or what needs to be different is simply forfeiting all of them for the promise of a future one that may or may not happen.

Thank you for your Devil’s advocacy! Discussion is what this site is all about.

Josh March 28, 2009 at 11:24 am

Hey David, this is turning into quite the interesting discussion! I’ve quoted excerpts from your response below and responded to them.

We certainly do need to know what we want. The problem though, is that the fulfillment of our desires only comprises a small percentage of our time. If we reject the greater portion in favor of the lesser, then life is mostly wanting rather than appreciating.

I would go so far as to say that fulfilling our desires is what life’s all about. If you’re not fulfilling your desires, then by default, you’re looking to avoid pain. If you don’t have what you want to guide you then your only barometer is what you don’t want, and to choose that is to choose to live a life rooted in fear.

I don’t share your point of view about presence being some sort of escapism. Presence is acceptance, not escape. It is certainly nothing like alcohol; in fact, compulsive thinking is what we use to insulate ourselves from what is around us. Presence creates direct contact with it. It’s the exact opposite, in my experience. When you are present, there is nothing to escape.

It’s a form of escapism in the sense that you’re disconnecting from the emotional feedback you’re getting. Presence is acceptance in that you’re tuning into the fact that you’re an energetic being by stopping your thought and connecting with who you truly are; but it’s a form of denial if you use presence to ignore your emotional feedback.

If you want to know how you feel about something, simply take it in. If you have to coach yourself into not thinking about, then you’re really not feeling into what’s in front of you, your tapping into pure Source energy that’s behind it. Everything feels good from the perspective of Source, but you’re denying yourself the full human experience if you don’t honestly allow yourself to see it through earthly eyes.

I guess where we disagree is that I don’t believe anything has any intrinsic boringness to it; that was my whole point. Thinking about a more desirable moment is what creates the boredom, it’s what creates the desire to escape. Boredom is just an unskillful way of relating to what’s around you. Boredom (which is nothing other than rejecting the moment) is the bottle people crawl into, in my opinion.

True, nothing is intrinsically boring. But things can become boring relative to your experience. If nothing got boring there’d be no incentive to ever try anything new.

Boredom does not create the desire to escape; boredom reflects your desire to be somewhere else. You as a creator have created that desire; and thus boredom is an effect, not the cause.

The trick is to accept the moment exactly as it is without denying your desires; because your desires are an integral part of the moment. You can block off your sense of desire when it doesn’t feel good to acknowledge them, but that’s the same as closing your eyes when you don’t want to see.

We live in an expanding universe. You will always desire more. If you stop yourself from thinking you can disconnect from this natural inclination, but you’ll effectively be placing yourself on the sidelines as the rest of the world mixes it up on the playing field of contrast and desire.

David March 28, 2009 at 5:23 pm

If nothing got boring there’d be no incentive to ever try anything new.

This is where we disagree. I have desires all the time, and I never get bored. I do not have to reject this moment in order to desire something. Aversion is not the only motivator, but I do think it’s the most common one. It’s built in to us.

The trick is to accept the moment exactly as it is without denying your desires; because your desires are an integral part of the moment.

Agreed. I don’t suggest people ignore their desires. But I do think it is important to be aware of the repetitive and useless nature of most thoughts, and how they hijack our attention needlessly if left unchecked. Thinking is a great tool, but it is only good for prompting action. As far as I’m concerned, most thoughts (a good 95%) do not prompt action, they just steal attention away from one’s surroundings. It just takes a gentle nudge to redirect one’s attention back to the wonders of concrete, physical reality once a vision has been established for where you want to go.

Life is not all about fulfilling desires, IMO. To me it is about appreciating life. We have goals to give us more to appreciate, but that is no reason to forgo the now as if some future achievement is all that matters. In any case, my greatest desire is to be able to enjoy moment, even the in-between ones, and that requires a firm grounding in senses, rather than thoughts and judgments.

I’ve experienced a strange paradox. The more I take on in terms of goals and dreams, the more I enjoy the present moment. I am much more effective when I keep my mind on the present, taking short mental excursions to the future, rather than living in an imagined future, with short excursions to the present. Like you said, it is entirely possible to desire and accept at the same time, and I think that’s the best place to be.

I think you might enjoy this article if you haven’t already read it.

Josh March 29, 2009 at 6:09 am

This is where we disagree. I have desires all the time, and I never get bored. I do not have to reject this moment in order to desire something.

You seem to be under the opinion that boredom arises because our present reality is different form our desired reality, and that if desire didn’t exist we’d never be bored. When in fact, desire is a natural antidote to boredom.

Boredom is a complete lack of desire AND a complete lack of contrast. It’s neutral; energetic middle ground. If you desire something more than you desire to avoid it, you’re not bored, you’re content. If you desire to avoid something more than you desire to experience it, you won’t be bored, you’ll be negative and pessimistic about it.

Being bored and being present aren’t mutually exclusive. Being both simultaneously is not a lasting emotion because boredom is such a neutral energy and presence raises your energy so quickly, but you can indeed be present and bored at the same time.

I’ll try to illustrate this with an example.

Have you ever been angry about something, but more angry about the fact that you’re angry about it than the thing that you’re actually angered at? If not, just pause for a moment and try to tune in to how that might feel.

Here’s how it might play out energetically.

If you were present you’d allow yourself to feel that anger, experience it, and then slowly release it as you move back up the emotional scale.

But, since you’re more angry about the fact that you’re angry than angered by what caused the anger, you fight anger with anger and don’t actually allow the feeling presenting itself to come in. This disconnects you from being present and allows your anger about being angry to grow unchecked until you get so furious that your anger descends into vengeance.

Naturally, you blame the cause of the original anger for this entire episode and, in seeking vengeance against that, your original feeling of anger aligns with how you’re feeling and you become present again. From here, you gradually rise up the emotional scale, feeling a little bit better with each passing moment, until you reach a point where the emotion seems to have passed and find yourself free again.

That brief moment between when the emotion feels like it has passed and when you realize it, is actually a state of boredom. You no longer have any desire to experience the emotion that just passed so the boredom is there to inform you that you’re now free to seek out something new.

This can be hard to notice because as soon as you realize that the emotion has passed, you usually move straight into a feeling of gratitude for having released it; so you don’t stay in a place of boredom long enough for you to notice that you briefly began searching for something new to explore.

Thinking is a great tool, but it is only good for prompting action. As far as I’m concerned, most thoughts (a good 95%) do not prompt action, they just steal attention away from one’s surroundings.

What about thinking loving thoughts? Is that a useless activity?

Or musing over the subtle implications hidden in a well written parable? Or remembering someone that makes you smile? Or pondering the meaning of life? Or cracking a joke to yourself when you notice something that only you would find funny?

All useless activities?

If you were completely paralyzed and unable to communicate by any other means than blinking your eyes, would the value of your thoughts be reduced to the messages you managed to blink out?

Does the whole of your mental field exist solely to serve the physical world? Is experiencing your external surroundings really that much more important than exploring your inner landscape? Are thoughts entirely unable to create independent of physical action?

Life is not all about fulfilling desires, IMO. To me it is about appreciating life. We have goals to give us more to appreciate, but that is no reason to forgo the now as if some future achievement is all that matters. In any case, my greatest desire is to be able to enjoy moment, even the in-between ones, and that requires a firm grounding in senses, rather than thoughts and judgments.

I’m not saying we should forgo the now, I’m simply pointing out that presence itself can be used as a means to forgo the now, and thus cannot by itself cause you to fully experience the moment.

Presence and this moment are not inherently linked. The moment you use presence as a means to override your emotional feedback, you’re no longer in the moment.

It’s a paradox of sorts, but you can be in the now without being in the moment. You can fully experience presence without truly being in the present.

As the old passage goes, “Be in the world, but not of it.”

I think we can both agree that when you let your thoughts and judgments run amuck you’re being “of the world;” and that being present is integral to being “in the world.” But presence alone cannot cause you to be “in the world.” Presence alone can only cause you to be.

Amanda Linehan April 6, 2009 at 3:31 pm

Hi David – This was a good read. That sense of possibility and exploration that you mentioned as part of childhood is a great loss as we get older. This article does a great job of discussing how we might bring a similar sense of possibility to our lives now. I have to admit that the routine of adult life is one of my biggest stressors! So, this idea of bringing possibility and exploration with you might just help me out :) Thanks for a great article, David.

David April 6, 2009 at 6:28 pm

Hi Amanda. Thanks and welcome to Raptitude. Kids amaze me. They can stay in the moment without trying. Sometimes I get jealous, then I remember that the only one telling me I’m not a kid is me. So I lighten up and let myself grow enamored with twigs and puddles again.

Positively Present April 9, 2009 at 2:41 pm

I like the idea of “coming back to our senses.” For some reason, that phrase gives me a lot of hope.

David April 9, 2009 at 2:56 pm

There is actually a fantastic book by Jon Kabat-Zinn by that name. It’s all about mindfulness and living a sense-focused life.

Alex Hudish October 15, 2009 at 10:21 am

David and Josh – thank you for that wonderful debate. The article made me remember how I felt as a child, and Josh helped put it all in a context of growth and evolution that totally speaks to me.

You are both very talented and intellectual individuals and I salute you for taking note of the little things in life. Just be talking about it, I’m enjoying it up to some percentage already :)
.-= Alex Hudish´s last blog ..Beginnings are Underestimated =-.

LeeShand January 16, 2010 at 10:53 am

Once again, a beautiful and perfect reminder. Children can teach us “grown-ups” alot. How sad that we forget to be in wonder of it all, we must be born that way, right. Thanks again David for reposting. One of new favorite posts.

David January 17, 2010 at 8:36 pm

Haha.. thank you for touring all of my “flops” and commenting. I’m glad you like this one, it’s one of my favorites.
.-= David´s last blog ..The Worst of Raptitude, Vol. 1 =-.

Dave Doolin January 16, 2010 at 12:30 pm

You can retitle with impunity, just don’t change the permalink without a 301 redirect.

In fact, you could split test the title change.

Also, your title element in the head element doesn’t need to be the same as the article title. Something else to test.

No, I didn’t read the article, but you’re in my RSS feed and I wanted to make sure you knew that retitling is no big deal. You went to a lot of trouble to write, it’s worth figuring out how to draw in readers.
.-= Dave Doolin´s last blog ..Help Haiti Blog Challenge: I’m Yours… All Weekend =-.

David January 17, 2010 at 8:37 pm

Hey thanks for the tips Dave. I don’t think I’ll worry about the title but it’s nice to know it wouldn’t mess things up.

Tara Williams October 2, 2010 at 8:56 pm

Wow, just wow. I have to admit, i’m hooked. For the longest time i’ve been looking for answers that you just laid out ever-so-neatly for me right here. You’re a breath of fresh air. It’s like poetry! <3

Danny July 15, 2011 at 5:20 pm

I loved your points about Children – they are naturally excited about discovering and exploring (experiencing) the world around them. Unfortunately, our education system and 9-5 working environments beat that adventurousness out of us – if we let it.
I have vivid memories of being a toddler crawling around in the front garden of our house. The feeling was one of excitement and adventure. What can I discover here today? What is behind that fence?

sally September 28, 2013 at 5:56 am

I will work on this habit. I need it. Thank you :)

Sarah June 17, 2014 at 10:50 pm

I’m so happy I found your blog David! I’ve been looking for something like this for a long time. Something that talks about all the stuff you talk about, but without being too “out there” or too religious. Anyway, I’m reading all your archived posts in chronological order. I liked your idea about turning the mundane parts of life into rituals, but how can you keep being interested in these rituals? Or more generally, how can you find the present so interesting that it can hold your attention for long periods of time. My thoughts, however negative and unhelpful, just seem so much more compelling because there’s so much more emotionally charged than what’s around me. And we as humans have a hard time directing our attention away from things that are emotionally compelling/upsetting/painful…or at least I do.

David Cain June 18, 2014 at 8:53 am

Hi Sarah. Wow this is an old one!

I know what you mean. Thoughts can be entertaining in a certain kind of way. Try this: see if you can follow a very small task from beginning to end, focusing only on the physical experience of it. Something like turning a doorknob, or putting on a sock. There is a certain quiet and peace in life experienced this way, and you will begin to prefer it to thinking over top of it all.

The best and most direct way is to begin a meditation practice. It gives you practice at returning your attention to physical reality, and setting down thoughts when you notice you’re wrapped up in thinking. After you do it for a while you begin to realize how repetitive and unintelligent most thinking is. It’s like bad TV!

In any case, you can get quite a bit of mileage just by being mindful all the way through very small tasks like I mentioned. Other good ones: turning a key, taking a fork out of the drawer, filling up a glass of water, peeling a banana. Just keep your attention on the look, sound and feel of it. Then you can go back to your thoughts :)

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