Comments on: How to Always Have Something Better to Talk About Than the Weather

By: Tony

Tony — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 16:39:40 +0000

I was very shy growing up, which is why I’m surprised I ended being a lecturer then trainer for about 20+ years! While I have no fear of public speaking (where I’m confident of my material), I am guilty as charged with respect to social “functions”. I hate them, and I *hate* small talk. But you’ve called me out on that one. Being able to make conversation, and really listen, are such vital life skills. I was recently at a conference where I felt completely lost, because I didn’t know how to strike up conversation with people I didn’t know, and that is a really uncomfortable feeling. I was standing around like a right chump. You’ve given some really good tips there, and as you say in the end it does come down to finding out what excites the other person, but it’s opening the conversation that I still find a killer.
Tony´s last blog ..Freaky Friday Photo

By: nahl

nahl — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 11:19:03 +0000

Very good advice but you take too long to get to the point!
nahl´s last blog ..Protected-

By: David

David — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 02:45:09 +0000

It’s revealing to hear what kind of insight we can get when we hear how other people perceive us. We are blind to our own habits a lot of the time. Someone else’s input can be very valuable. I remember somebody telling me I was argumentative once, and I realized he was totally right — after I argued with him for a bit. After that I became quite aware of that habit, but had no idea before.

About reciprocation: yes, some people never reciprocate. I tend to gravitate away from them.

By: kacsa

kacsa — Sat, 26 Jun 2010 14:51:56 +0000

Thanks for your insightful article! I too struggle with these issues on a day to day basis. Shyness can really adversely affect one’s quality of life, and make one’s world and experience of life very small and limited.

I show alot of interest in others, but they NEVER reciprocate. I find its always me listening, and asking questions. They will answer, and show little interest in me. My focus is always on the other person. I still have problems. However, I do need to work on trying to make others feel at ease, as sometimes my anxiety is evident when speaking to others, I speak quickly and desparately sometimes!!

I asked a very socially adept friend for some insight into this, and through discussing it we arrived at the conclusion that I am much too formal with people, and not at all open, relaxed or candid. It was a revalation to me. I never would DARE of saying something joking to another, so sure I am that they would take offence or not respond well. I would also rarely disagree with someone, so desperate am I for their approval. I don’t look on others as my equals, and am much too sequacious. I will try to be more informal and open with people in future, and will see how that works. (Obviously, within the restraints of my personality) Perhaps this idea might be of help to others too:)

By: David

David — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 00:22:25 +0000

Hi Daniel. Thanks. I still struggle with embracing small talk. I know it is necessary but there is something about it I continue to resent. People aren’t conditioned to jump right into meaningful topics — we have to play this little game first where we talk about the weather — but it doesn’t have to last long, and it is the best way to get to a meaningful conversation.

By: Daniel C.

Daniel C. — Sat, 12 Jun 2010 10:49:24 +0000

“If there was something meaningful to be said, it would be said, right?”

Describes me to a T. “Small talk” never seems to interest me or seemed efficient since I don’t want to A) Waste the other persons time and B) More “importantly” waste my time. Somewhere I know that’s not the case and this article has brought up this glaring imperfection of mine into sharp relief. So I suppose a thank you is in order, even though being confronted with my own social inadequacies isn’t always an ideal way to start the day In all seriousness though this was a fantastic article.

Thank you again David, keep up the fantastic work.

By: Danielle

Danielle — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 03:09:28 +0000

This reminds me of a long story involving an article I read about a narcissistic guitar player. Not that shy people are self-absorbed…not in a bad way anyway…explaining my thought process is messy sometimes, sorry, anyway…at the end of the article I remember him saying something about not having anything to say to all these people he’s constantly surrounded by (woe is him). I may be a terribly social creature, but I do actually understand and relate to people with social anxiety on a very sincere level. I swear I think most of my exuberant personality is often just a retarded social anxiety attack. Anyway, that’s not my point. My point is shy people are sweet and I feel for them. This guy just sounded like an ass.
I wanted to stalk down his phone number and call him up just to say, “Maybe when you’re bored and feel unconnected to the poeple around you, you should try thinking about THEM and what makes THEM interesting every once in a while!!”. Heh.
So my point is that shy people are sweet, I want to help them be more comfortable, and sometimes I even AM one of them, but I found it amusing that I came to the same conclusion while judging a pouty rockstar whihle you were like, helping humanity and junk. p

By: David

David — Sun, 23 May 2010 06:02:14 +0000

Ah, there you go… that sounds about right to me. I have found that all of my motivations for shyness are selfish at the root. I would tell myself I’m just good at not bothering people, but it was really just me avoiding the risk of socializing.

By: John

John — Sat, 22 May 2010 11:58:22 +0000

A friend told me once, “us shy people think we’re doing others a favor by not talking to them”. Hit the nail on the head for me. Later I found out that my entire congregation thought that I didn’t like them because I never spoke to them. And here I was thinking I was doing them a favor. Decided then that it was better to be disliked for what you say and not for what you don’t say.
I have made strides since then but I still have problems remembering conversations for follow ups.

By: Rony

Rony — Sat, 20 Mar 2010 12:25:33 +0000

thanks David for this post. really liked it. I am that shy person that u described. I am surely trying your tips the next time I go to work. I am really bad with starting conversation and making conversation . I know i am not that shy but its only that i just cant make conversation and dont know what to talk about.