Comments on: The Most Important Thing I Ever Learned http://www.raptitude.com/2009/04/the-most-important-thing-i-ever-learned/ The gentle art of sanity amidst civilization Thu, 11 Mar 2010 11:34:57 -0600 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: David http://www.raptitude.com/2009/04/the-most-important-thing-i-ever-learned/#comment-7994 David Tue, 23 Feb 2010 21:09:09 +0000 http://www.raptitude.com/?p=538#comment-7994 Thanks Sonia. <blockquote>I mean, if I stopped what would I do?! succeed?! haha ;) Id have to focus all my smarts and brainpower towards something else and its a daunting thing to start building the life you want (that you also fear you may not get); it becomes an easy habit to just repeat patterns.</blockquote> I think you've hit on something huge here Sonia. I know that I've caught myself worrying about things I can't change so that I wouldn't have to address things I <em>can</em> change. The mind is so sneaky. Thanks Sonia.

I mean, if I stopped what would I do?! succeed?! haha ;) Id have to focus all my smarts and brainpower towards something else and its a daunting thing to start building the life you want (that you also fear you may not get); it becomes an easy habit to just repeat patterns.

I think you’ve hit on something huge here Sonia. I know that I’ve caught myself worrying about things I can’t change so that I wouldn’t have to address things I can change. The mind is so sneaky.

]]> By: sonia http://www.raptitude.com/2009/04/the-most-important-thing-i-ever-learned/#comment-7992 sonia Tue, 23 Feb 2010 11:38:47 +0000 http://www.raptitude.com/?p=538#comment-7992 Its crazy how we hold on to things and cause problems for ourselves, hashing out the what-ifs and if-onlys. I find that I focus on past events or unchangeable things too often and create roadblocks for myself. I mean, if I stopped what would I do?! succeed?! haha ;) Id have to focus all my smarts and brainpower towards something else and its a daunting thing to start building the life you want (that you also fear you may not get); it becomes an easy habit to just repeat patterns. thanks so much david! I really appreciate it loving the positivity of your blog :) well done Its crazy how we hold on to things and cause problems for ourselves, hashing out the what-ifs and if-onlys. I find that I focus on past events or unchangeable things too often and create roadblocks for myself. I mean, if I stopped what would I do?! succeed?! haha ;) Id have to focus all my smarts and brainpower towards something else and its a daunting thing to start building the life you want (that you also fear you may not get); it becomes an easy habit to just repeat patterns.

thanks so much david! I really appreciate it
loving the positivity of your blog :) well done

]]> By: David http://www.raptitude.com/2009/04/the-most-important-thing-i-ever-learned/#comment-7989 David Tue, 23 Feb 2010 07:03:06 +0000 http://www.raptitude.com/?p=538#comment-7989 I wrote a big long-winded response for you and then lost it somehow. Here's the gist though: -You can't do much about what others think of you. Other people's thoughts are based on their own weird and personal emotions and they'll probably come up with all kinds of conclusions about you that you can't control. One of my favorite quotes is "What other people think of me is none of my business." What is usually so troubling about other people thinking badly of us is that we often think they might be right. If we knew they were dead wrong, it wouldn't matter. Does that make sense? -If you keep thinking you should apologize for something, then I bet it would make you feel a lot better if you did. Usually when I can't let something go it's because I know there is something I should be doing that I haven't done yet. .-= David´s last blog ..<a href="http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/Raptitudecom/~3/gpmfAE5uIBI/" rel="nofollow">49 Beds in Four Months</a> =-. I wrote a big long-winded response for you and then lost it somehow.

Here’s the gist though:

-You can’t do much about what others think of you. Other people’s thoughts are based on their own weird and personal emotions and they’ll probably come up with all kinds of conclusions about you that you can’t control. One of my favorite quotes is “What other people think of me is none of my business.” What is usually so troubling about other people thinking badly of us is that we often think they might be right. If we knew they were dead wrong, it wouldn’t matter. Does that make sense?

-If you keep thinking you should apologize for something, then I bet it would make you feel a lot better if you did. Usually when I can’t let something go it’s because I know there is something I should be doing that I haven’t done yet.
David´s last blog ..49 Beds in Four Months My ComLuv Profile

]]> By: sonia http://www.raptitude.com/2009/04/the-most-important-thing-i-ever-learned/#comment-7986 sonia Tue, 23 Feb 2010 03:44:06 +0000 http://www.raptitude.com/?p=538#comment-7986 Ah, I think I understand. I am currently in the position where I THINK I need to apologize to someone. Although my actions were not that severe, I dislike hurting people and dragged out a breakup longer than it should have. I keep torturing myself over my mistakes and find it very difficult to stop. I get that mistakes happen; I just hate when it affects another personally and how they may view me. Until I do, I don't think I can truly apologize for hurting another persons feelings. Any advice on how to stop this self torture?! I think I feel that if I let go its a) truly in the past b) giving myself an easy card out i.e. do something and let it go since its "done" Ah, I think I understand.
I am currently in the position where I THINK I need to apologize to someone. Although my actions were not that severe, I dislike hurting people and dragged out a breakup longer than it should have.
I keep torturing myself over my mistakes and find it very difficult to stop. I get that mistakes happen; I just hate when it affects another personally and how they may view me.
Until I do, I don’t think I can truly apologize for hurting another persons feelings.
Any advice on how to stop this self torture?! I think I feel that if I let go its a) truly in the past b) giving myself an easy card out i.e. do something and let it go since its “done”

]]> By: David http://www.raptitude.com/2009/04/the-most-important-thing-i-ever-learned/#comment-7972 David Mon, 22 Feb 2010 23:39:27 +0000 http://www.raptitude.com/?p=538#comment-7972 That's a great question Sonia. A lot of present-moment actions do require looking at the past, but all of that is still happening in the present. The question is always "what to do <em>now?</em>" The thing to remember is that contemplating the past is still something that happens in the present. Things only happen in the present, even though it seems like "looking back" is actually accessing the past. So to answer your question, I don't suggest not acknowledging where this "Now" came from, only remembering that it's only the present that you can respond to directly. You can't deal with the past, it's completely inaccessible. Apologies, for example, only address the situation as it is Now, not what the situation once was. Your memories of how it became that way may help you decide what to do, but maybe they aren't good for much else. That’s a great question Sonia.

A lot of present-moment actions do require looking at the past, but all of that is still happening in the present. The question is always “what to do now?”

The thing to remember is that contemplating the past is still something that happens in the present. Things only happen in the present, even though it seems like “looking back” is actually accessing the past.

So to answer your question, I don’t suggest not acknowledging where this “Now” came from, only remembering that it’s only the present that you can respond to directly. You can’t deal with the past, it’s completely inaccessible.

Apologies, for example, only address the situation as it is Now, not what the situation once was. Your memories of how it became that way may help you decide what to do, but maybe they aren’t good for much else.

]]> By: sonia http://www.raptitude.com/2009/04/the-most-important-thing-i-ever-learned/#comment-7962 sonia Mon, 22 Feb 2010 07:20:04 +0000 http://www.raptitude.com/?p=538#comment-7962 I agree with this completely and have tried to live it for a while now but i have one question: how do you do the right thing NOW without acknowledging where you have come from? For example, after a break up you feel badly about your mistakes and are contemplating when/how/if to apologize, give back gifts etc you are forced to think of the past to make the right decision because if you choose to do nothing and not come to terms with it and apologize you are still taking an action. [Inaction is STILL AN ACTION!! (this is perhaps one of the most important things ive learned)] I know you are not advocating inaction but how do you deal with things involving the past? mistakes that call for apologies, lessons that need to be remembered etc. I agree with this completely and have tried to live it for a while now
but i have one question:
how do you do the right thing NOW without acknowledging where you have come from?
For example, after a break up you feel badly about your mistakes and are contemplating when/how/if to apologize, give back gifts etc
you are forced to think of the past to make the right decision
because if you choose to do nothing and not come to terms with it and apologize you are still taking an action.
[Inaction is STILL AN ACTION!! (this is perhaps one of the most important things ive learned)]
I know you are not advocating inaction but how do you deal with things involving the past? mistakes that call for apologies, lessons that need to be remembered etc.

]]> By: MsTiara’s Thoughts » Blog Archive » A reminder about the important truths http://www.raptitude.com/2009/04/the-most-important-thing-i-ever-learned/#comment-7417 MsTiara’s Thoughts » Blog Archive » A reminder about the important truths Wed, 20 Jan 2010 16:19:13 +0000 http://www.raptitude.com/?p=538#comment-7417 [...] 12. You never have to deal with more than one moment at a time. [...] [...] 12. You never have to deal with more than one moment at a time. [...]

]]> By: Jason http://www.raptitude.com/2009/04/the-most-important-thing-i-ever-learned/#comment-6042 Jason Fri, 16 Oct 2009 13:33:28 +0000 http://www.raptitude.com/?p=538#comment-6042 Very true well put... Just read a book by Eckhart Tolle The Power of Now and it is relates to alot of what you are say here. Very true well put… Just read a book by Eckhart Tolle The Power of Now and it is relates to alot of what you are say here.

]]> By: Do you ever get that feeling "damn, I still have sooo much to do!" http://www.raptitude.com/2009/04/the-most-important-thing-i-ever-learned/#comment-1627 Do you ever get that feeling "damn, I still have sooo much to do!" Sat, 11 Apr 2009 15:52:40 +0000 http://www.raptitude.com/?p=538#comment-1627 [...] lot to gain from examining this idea. It's the most important thing I ever learned, and I wrote an article on this concept that you will probably find useful. __________________ www.raptitude.com -- [...] [...] lot to gain from examining this idea. It’s the most important thing I ever learned, and I wrote an article on this concept that you will probably find useful. __________________ http://www.raptitude.com — [...]

]]> By: David http://www.raptitude.com/2009/04/the-most-important-thing-i-ever-learned/#comment-700 David Wed, 08 Apr 2009 02:45:45 +0000 http://www.raptitude.com/?p=538#comment-700 Hey Angus, thanks. Good to hear from you. Hey Angus, thanks. Good to hear from you.

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