Comments on: Seek Professional Help http://www.raptitude.com/2009/08/seek-professional-help/ The gentle art of sanity amidst civilization Wed, 08 Feb 2012 00:02:35 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: David http://www.raptitude.com/2009/08/seek-professional-help/#comment-9024 David Sat, 10 Apr 2010 06:23:37 +0000 http://www.raptitude.com/?p=1917#comment-9024 Thanks Joseph. What I wish I knew was how we tend to define our identities on the roles we're used to playing. I inadvertently identified myself as "smart guy" and smart guy doesn't ask for help. So smart guy suffered until he learned he's more than smart guy after all. Thanks Joseph. What I wish I knew was how we tend to define our identities on the roles we’re used to playing. I inadvertently identified myself as “smart guy” and smart guy doesn’t ask for help. So smart guy suffered until he learned he’s more than smart guy after all.

]]> By: David http://www.raptitude.com/2009/08/seek-professional-help/#comment-9022 David Sat, 10 Apr 2010 06:18:33 +0000 http://www.raptitude.com/?p=1917#comment-9022 Yeah that was the root of my problem. I didn't want to look like I didn't know everything I was supposed to know. The irony is that I made myself into a huge fool my not getting help, because my learning hit a wall and I had to continue to pretend I knew it all. Yeah that was the root of my problem. I didn’t want to look like I didn’t know everything I was supposed to know. The irony is that I made myself into a huge fool my not getting help, because my learning hit a wall and I had to continue to pretend I knew it all.

]]> By: Joseph Tran http://www.raptitude.com/2009/08/seek-professional-help/#comment-9019 Joseph Tran Sat, 10 Apr 2010 02:23:05 +0000 http://www.raptitude.com/?p=1917#comment-9019 I've struggled so much with this problem. I still do. I'm a Junior in high school, and let's be honest, my Algebra II grade for the 3rd quarter is awful. It really came to a point where we had a chapter test, and I knew ABSOLUTELY nothing. That initial week of learning the material was downright pitiful, and for icing on the cake, I was caught napping during class. That had never happened before. I struggled immensely grasping what should have been a fairly simple concept, and whenever my teacher would walk by and ask if I had any questions, I'd shrug him off and say, "Everything's fine." My test grade obviously didn't express the same feeling...and believe it or not, I wrote a paragraph explaining why the test was mostly blank. Essentially, it stated that I had a rotten attitude and general laziness towards the course, and I truly wanted to turn things around. I'll swallow my pride here and admit that I failed that 3rd quarter. Where it really hit me was when you mentioned the whole "leave-me-alone-i-can-do-it-myself" attitude. My peers generally go to me for advice during church youth group and just in general, but that thought of vulnerability really scares me a lot. I thought I was that guy that knew..well, a lot of things. But I just shoved aside what I didn't know and tried to cover it up. And that's what I think truly hurts me in school. And I LOVED one of your replies, it went along the lines of, "Who can help me?" whenever you would get stuck. I'll definitely remember that the next time I get caught in a rut. Thank you so much for writing this article... I truly appreciate this. I've spent the past hour or so pouring over your old posts, and I must say, this site is terrific. I "stumbled" on this page via StumbleUpon (A great time waster :P), and I'm so glad It took me to this site. I'm definitely signing up for email subscriptions. I’ve struggled so much with this problem. I still do. I’m a Junior in high school, and let’s be honest, my Algebra II grade for the 3rd quarter is awful. It really came to a point where we had a chapter test, and I knew ABSOLUTELY nothing. That initial week of learning the material was downright pitiful, and for icing on the cake, I was caught napping during class. That had never happened before. I struggled immensely grasping what should have been a fairly simple concept, and whenever my teacher would walk by and ask if I had any questions, I’d shrug him off and say, “Everything’s fine.” My test grade obviously didn’t express the same feeling…and believe it or not, I wrote a paragraph explaining why the test was mostly blank. Essentially, it stated that I had a rotten attitude and general laziness towards the course, and I truly wanted to turn things around. I’ll swallow my pride here and admit that I failed that 3rd quarter.

Where it really hit me was when you mentioned the whole “leave-me-alone-i-can-do-it-myself” attitude. My peers generally go to me for advice during church youth group and just in general, but that thought of vulnerability really scares me a lot. I thought I was that guy that knew..well, a lot of things. But I just shoved aside what I didn’t know and tried to cover it up. And that’s what I think truly hurts me in school.

And I LOVED one of your replies, it went along the lines of, “Who can help me?” whenever you would get stuck. I’ll definitely remember that the next time I get caught in a rut.

Thank you so much for writing this article… I truly appreciate this. I’ve spent the past hour or so pouring over your old posts, and I must say, this site is terrific. I “stumbled” on this page via StumbleUpon (A great time waster :P), and I’m so glad It took me to this site. I’m definitely signing up for email subscriptions.

]]> By: spiderlgs http://www.raptitude.com/2009/08/seek-professional-help/#comment-8981 spiderlgs Thu, 08 Apr 2010 04:23:58 +0000 http://www.raptitude.com/?p=1917#comment-8981 This is so much like me.. except I've never had a problem asking for help in a situation where I was there to learn. Like school, i knew I wasnt supposed to know everything so I could ask. BUT if there is something that i should know, but don't or there is something (i think) everyone else knows but I don't then I can't. I just got to the point where I could ask for help finding places, or asking for clarification on directions or when I don't understand whats on a menu... Its cause I don't want people to think i'm dumb, or slow. I'm working on it.. letting my guard down and realizing that someone else probably has the same question too.. I just don't like taking that small risk that I might be made to feel like a fool. This is so much like me.. except I’ve never had a problem asking for help in a situation where I was there to learn. Like school, i knew I wasnt supposed to know everything so I could ask. BUT if there is something that i should know, but don’t or there is something (i think) everyone else knows but I don’t then I can’t. I just got to the point where I could ask for help finding places, or asking for clarification on directions or when I don’t understand whats on a menu… Its cause I don’t want people to think i’m dumb, or slow. I’m working on it.. letting my guard down and realizing that someone else probably has the same question too.. I just don’t like taking that small risk that I might be made to feel like a fool.

]]> By: David http://www.raptitude.com/2009/08/seek-professional-help/#comment-4994 David Fri, 28 Aug 2009 18:46:08 +0000 http://www.raptitude.com/?p=1917#comment-4994 For sure. As I said, I've spend three hours learning how to do something myself rather than get someone more skilled to do it. For sure. As I said, I’ve spend three hours learning how to do something myself rather than get someone more skilled to do it.

]]> By: David http://www.raptitude.com/2009/08/seek-professional-help/#comment-4993 David Fri, 28 Aug 2009 18:45:04 +0000 http://www.raptitude.com/?p=1917#comment-4993 Ah I have that control issue too, compounding my not wanting to look stupid issue. I'd rather control my way to mediocrity than ask for help :) Ah I have that control issue too, compounding my not wanting to look stupid issue. I’d rather control my way to mediocrity than ask for help :)

]]> By: Elisa http://www.raptitude.com/2009/08/seek-professional-help/#comment-4992 Elisa Fri, 28 Aug 2009 14:41:21 +0000 http://www.raptitude.com/?p=1917#comment-4992 Wow, I thought I was one of the only ones who did that in college. While it was hard and probably far more stress than necessary, it did help me to one my fantastic BS skills. :) I've actually gotten a bit better with help to understand stuff, but not so much with help to do things. I'd like to say its fear of looking stupid or inept, but for me it's totally a control thing. I'll admit it, I SHOULD probably seek professional help because I am absolutely a complete control freak. That's the worst part of asking...for me at least...no longer being in control of the situation/results/comprehension/etc. .-= Elisa´s last blog ..<a href="http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/OpheliasWebb/~3/52o_lGIWFoc/bumper-cars-is-no-way-to-meet-men.html" rel="nofollow">Bumper Cars Is No Way To Meet Men</a> =-. Wow, I thought I was one of the only ones who did that in college. While it was hard and probably far more stress than necessary, it did help me to one my fantastic BS skills. :)

I’ve actually gotten a bit better with help to understand stuff, but not so much with help to do things. I’d like to say its fear of looking stupid or inept, but for me it’s totally a control thing. I’ll admit it, I SHOULD probably seek professional help because I am absolutely a complete control freak. That’s the worst part of asking…for me at least…no longer being in control of the situation/results/comprehension/etc.
.-= Elisa´s last blog ..Bumper Cars Is No Way To Meet Men =-.

]]> By: Paul Norwine http://www.raptitude.com/2009/08/seek-professional-help/#comment-4960 Paul Norwine Wed, 26 Aug 2009 16:08:06 +0000 http://www.raptitude.com/?p=1917#comment-4960 David - I know exactly what you mean. I'm the type of person that needs to know how to DO something, not just knowing how to OUTSOURCE something. This is a little different than what you are talking about above but your post resonated with me. It has taken some time to sink in but I have realized that you can't do EVERYTHING yourself if you want to be successful...you're better off leveraging your strengths and getting help with your weaknesses than wasting time fighting and struggling through your weaknesses. Paul .-= Paul Norwine´s last blog ..<a href="http://paulnorwine.com/getting-clear-on-what-you-want/rich-schefren-called-me-out-and-i-rose-to-the-challenge/" rel="nofollow">Rich Schefren Called Me Out…but I Stepped Up to the Challenge</a> =-. David –

I know exactly what you mean. I’m the type of person that needs to know how to DO something, not just knowing how to OUTSOURCE something. This is a little different than what you are talking about above but your post resonated with me. It has taken some time to sink in but I have realized that you can’t do EVERYTHING yourself if you want to be successful…you’re better off leveraging your strengths and getting help with your weaknesses than wasting time fighting and struggling through your weaknesses.

Paul
.-= Paul Norwine´s last blog ..Rich Schefren Called Me Out…but I Stepped Up to the Challenge =-.

]]> By: David http://www.raptitude.com/2009/08/seek-professional-help/#comment-4941 David Mon, 24 Aug 2009 11:27:27 +0000 http://www.raptitude.com/?p=1917#comment-4941 Too independent... well I guess if you have to err on one side, that's the better one :) Too independent… well I guess if you have to err on one side, that’s the better one :)

]]> By: David http://www.raptitude.com/2009/08/seek-professional-help/#comment-4940 David Mon, 24 Aug 2009 11:26:41 +0000 http://www.raptitude.com/?p=1917#comment-4940 Maybe that's what I lacked: compassion. I think part of it for me was a weird academic superiority complex. I didn't think everyone else was the same. Maybe that’s what I lacked: compassion. I think part of it for me was a weird academic superiority complex. I didn’t think everyone else was the same.

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