How to Make Mindfulness a Habit With Only a Tiny Commitment

red door

When you sit back and reminisce about your life, it’s almost a given that the most enjoyable and memorable moments are the ones in which you were completely present. Do you look back with fondness all the times you spent thinking about work while you drove home, or pondered dinner while you wheeled down the frozen aisle?

Unfortunately most of life passes that way for most of us. We’re in one place doing one thing, thinking of things we aren’t doing and places we aren’t at.

The bottom line of almost all self-help, spiritual, or religious literature is that our ability to be happy is determined by our ability to stay in the present moment. The Buddhists, the Toltecs, the Bible, Eckhart Tolle, Ram Dass, Emerson, Thoreau — anyone at all who is known for having found a path to consistent, recurring joy — cites staying present as the essential teaching.

Only when we’re present do we see beauty, enjoy gratitude, and experience happiness. It’s the moments we’re present for that make life good, so it only stands to reason that being present is something we’d do well to get better at.

We all know this already. Yet most of us — normal people with errands, work and to-do lists — spend most of our time considering the past and future rather than the present. Why doesn’t it click?

The problem is most of us are extremely habituated to living in our thoughts. The remembered past and the imagined future steal our attention most of the time. Why we are so strongly predisposed this way is a huge discussion involving culture, biology, psychology and a host of other factors that we don’t need to get into right now. Suffice it to say that most of us have a serious habit of being mentally absent from the present moment most of the time.

Unless you make a serious commitment to taking on the biggest of human dilemmas — taming the rowdy mind once and for all — mindfulness will probably not establish itself as a habit for you. Some people do make a life’s work of it with daily meditation or monastery life, but if you’re unwilling to do that, can you still cultivate mindfulness on a consistent basis?

The rule about habits is that whatever you do most takes over. If you want to be a daily runner, and you miss more days than you actually go running, you’ve only made a habit of skipping running, and you’re back at square one.

To suddenly “go mindful” and try to be present all the time is about as easy as running a marathon when you’ve never even run around the block. Since most of us are not present the vast majority of the time, occasional stabs at “being in the moment” are quickly overrun by the colossal momentum of a lifetime of being lost in thought.

Baby steps seem to be in order. And many of us do try it this way. We make repeated resolutions to “notice the little things more” or “live in the now,” but these are too vague to be helpful in any practical sense. You may find yourself being present when you’ve just read an inspirational book or when someone mentions mindfulness, but in the long run it won’t take. The habit of preoccupation is so unbelievably strong that mindfulness just won’t be on your mind for long. It’s too subtle, too delicate — too light and vulnerable to withstand the swirling winds of the preoccupied mind.

Establishing a Foothold

First of all, forget about staying mindful 24-7. That’s an extremely tall order, and it isn’t necessary to be present all the time in order to experience great benefits from it.

What we want to do is get familiar with the sensation of becoming present, and do it on a regular basis. Since the preoccupied mind is never going to remind you to be mindful — that would be like a french fry vendor reminding you to buy spinach — we need something else to remind us.

So instead of trying to Be Here Now all the time, just commit to becoming mindful every time you find yourself doing one of these two simple actions:

  • Opening a door
  • Sitting down in a chair

That’s it. You’re off the hook for everything else.

Let the rest of the things you do slip away to the restless mind if you want. Let your mind glaze over during meetings at work. Fantasize about winning Powerball while you wait for the bus. But do give your attention wholeheartedly to these two simple actions.You owe yourself that much.

When you open a door, drop your train of thought outright (you can pick it up again shortly) and watch your hand grasp the doorknob. Pull the door open with purpose and patience. Feel its weight. Watch as a new scene is revealed. Feel the new air of the room you are entering. Listen to the sound of the first room give way to the sound of the new room. Feel this transition with undivided attention.

Then your work is done. You can go back to pondering dinner or thinking of what you should have said to that guy who cut you in line in the cafeteria last Friday. If you want.

When you sit down in a chair, lower yourself down, don’t just drop in it. Listen to any creaks or in the wood or upholstery. Feel as it takes on the weight of your body and relieves your legs of their duties for the moment. Pay attention to the sensation of being parked on this new perch. Wherever the chair is, let yourself become comfortable in it. Survey the room from your new angle.

After you’ve paid diligent attention to the sitting experience for the five or ten seconds it takes, you’re off duty again. You can resume whatever train of thought you had going before it came time to sit — wishing you had worn different shoes, or quietly disapproving of the state of today’s pop music or whatever.

Most of the time we don’t put our attention anywhere specific, so it gets sucked into our incessant mind-chatter, not unlike a kid who can’t help staring at the television. You can actually put your attention somewhere on purpose, it just doesn’t often occur to us. Pay it to the door or the chair.

If you can commit to giving your undivided attention to these two things, you will begin to see the incredible clarity that is available to you when your mind isn’t wrapped up in thoughts.

After doing this on purpose a few times, it will start to become automatic. The mere feel of a doorknob, or sensation of moving to sit will remind you to pay attention. It will be nearly impossible to open a door or sit down without snapping back into the present moment.

I must reiterate how small a commitment you have to actually make here. The dividends it pays are incredible. We’re talking maybe five seconds at a time, a handful of times a day, to plant one foot firmly in the realm of greater ease, happiness and gratitude. If you’ve been looking for an easy and powerful way to love yourself, there it is.

You will soon find that the trains of thought you have to interrupt to be mindful are seldom interesting or useful. Most of it is just noise, perpetuating itself only because you’re not putting your intention anywhere on purpose. Junk food for your mind. With these simple rituals, mindfulness — and the bliss that comes with it — will establish a sturdy foothold in your behavior, which you can expand as far as you want to take it.

You’ll begin to notice what it feels like to catch yourself mind-blathering about irrelevant things, and soon you’ll be bringing yourself back to the moment more often, and not just when you encounter a door or a chair. You probably won’t want to let yourself off the hook for everything else.

But you do have to actually do it, not just nod your head as you read this post and think it will happen by itself. These are easy, minuscule amounts of work which yield great rewards over time. But they don’t pay off if you don’t do them.

When you open a door, open the door.

When you sit, take your seat.

You’re going to do it anyway. Make it count.

***

If you’re interested in living more in the present

I’ve been writing a lot recently about the habit of living mindfully and its incredible benefits. I’ve been getting a lot of emails and comments from you on the topic, and it’s been my personal focus for the last year.  (Some related articles: One | Two | Three | Four | Five )

Exploring mindfulness has truly transformed my life and I want to help other people do the same thing. Over the past few months I’ve put together a full-length guide on making mindfulness a lasting habit. I’ll have a lot more details later, but in the mean time you can learn more here.

 

 

Photo by Katie@!

Learn to live in the present

Everyday mindfulness has transformed my life, and has for countless others. You can use it to reduce stress, deal calmly with trouble, and experience joy and peace throughout each day. Making it a habit is easier than you probably think. Learn how.


{ 101 Comments }

aditya February 21, 2013 at 6:44 pm

In winter, I get static shocks whenever I touch the door knob. So, these days, I maybe thinking some random BS but whenever, I am about to touch the knob, my mind races to the present. Winter has helped me to become more mindful … hahaha

L. A. Howard May 7, 2013 at 2:20 pm

Every time you update, it takes me a few days and a couple of read-throughs to process what you’re talking about!

I just realized that mindfulness is, perhaps, what people are looking for on vacation. They are looking for a way to re-focus, to relax, to just BE. Somehow, we’ve concluded that that’s impossible in “real life”, and is only possible for folks on vacation, or for artists & writers. We don’t consider that it’s something we can do in everyday life as well. :)

Karen May 18, 2013 at 1:32 pm

I believe we “grow out of mindfulness” – perhaps we are “taught out” of it. Think of a child. A child is present in every moment of “doing” and lost in thought when “not doing”. We are so very present when we are a child, perhaps that is why we slip into our “second childhood” as we age. Those early memories are cemented to us because we were fully present when making them.

Then, mind-chatter takes over. We perform tasks and do things when not fully present, when “lost” in mind-chatter, and we often do not remember a single thing about the previous several seconds, minutes, or even hours or days. We think we can multitask, but we cannot be fully present for any task if our mind is on something else, and then we do not remember doing it. Multitasking is one of the worst things people try to do! It uses our finite energy and time, and gives very little in return for that energy and time. Oh, we can point to several chores managed, or tasks performed, but we cannot say they were skillfully managed or well performed.

I can remember a time when I could have a blank mind, just observing what was going on around me. My brother can remember as well. No one ever believed us at the time. It was such a nice time, no chattering monkeys howling in my thoughts. I can sometimes do that now, but it isn’t easy.

The comment above, about vacations, won’t do it for most people because they cannot leave behind their thoughts of the daily grind except for a few moments, minutes, of their change of scenery times. At least, however, they can try to be more mindful, since their normal routines are on hold and unfamiliar events are occurring. AND, only if they put away the tools of their regular routines, like phones and computers and such!

Tiago Pinto May 27, 2013 at 8:26 pm

Some years ago, somehow I learned to notice those moments when I’m being really happy. Then, I kind of instructed myself to notice them a lot more and get the most out of them knowing “I’m having a great time” and it helps making those times even better, instead of just reminding them afterwards to think “those were good times”.

Somehow this post reminded me of this “thing” I have.
Your writing is top notch and so are the subjects you tackle.
Thanks.

Vobo August 20, 2013 at 2:17 am

Hi all,

Simple, yet full of meaning, but still easy to grasp. I was looking for something to slow life down a little bit, but I didn’t now what I was looking for and how to do it. This post is a great starting point for me to understand this concept of mindfulness.
Thank you, David.

Vishak November 15, 2013 at 10:10 am

Thank u so much David…I have been doing CA from India and have really understood the pains associated with not being in the present…It really puts on a load over oneself in other activities too…Thank u for this simple yet powerful practical example and making it illustrious…Please keep posting more related articles..

Vishak November 15, 2013 at 10:10 am

Thank u so much David…I have been doing CA from India and have really understood the pains associated with not being in the present…It really puts on a load over oneself in other activities too…Thank u for this simple yet powerful practical example and making it illustrious…Please keep posting more related articles..

Sherry J. Faller December 31, 2013 at 6:58 pm

An outstanding share! I have just forwarded this onto a colleague who was conducting a little
research on this. And he in fact ordered me dinner due to
the fact that I discovered it for him… lol. So let me reword
this…. Thanks for the meal!! But yeah, thanx for spending
time to talk about this matter here on your site.

Kat February 8, 2014 at 4:41 am

I have lyrics in a song of mine which says:
Living in reflections of your life is your own demise.
I was trying to finish the rest of my song and was looking for inspiration and then I stumbled across your blog and read this article! Perfect timing :)
It’s been very helpful thank you!

Leilani Hayes May 4, 2014 at 6:33 pm

I so appreciate these words of wisdom. It’s so hard to live “in the moment” because we’re so caught up in the daily life. Anything that can help me to come back to the trueness of me, I greatly appreciate.

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