Die on Purpose

chair in the desert

I think it’s really helpful to forget you exist, and often.

It sounds impossible, but it can be done.

Here’s an exercise I do sometimes to achieve that perspective:

Wherever I am, whatever location I am in, I picture the situation exactly as it would be if I wasn’t there. I just watch it like it’s a movie, and the people still in the scene are the actors. Or maybe there’s nobody around at all, it’s just an empty corner of the world sharing a moment with itself. Whatever the scene, it feels like I’m watching it remotely from some far-off theater. It’s all still happening, but I’m not there.

I absorb myself in the details of how it looks and sounds. The characters’ tones of voice, their gestures, the room around them, the background noise. I can let it be whatever it is without any apprehension, because I’m not there, so I have no means — or reason — to stop it or control it, or to wish it was different.

And something amazing happens: all of my concerns and interests just disappear. I watch the moment unfold however it pleases. No part of me is invested in the moment, it just becomes whatever it wills to be, and it doesn’t matter what happens. The effect is exhilarating and liberating. It seems to be quite a miracle that there is even something happening at all. And it’s always, always beautiful.

Think of it as dying on purpose.

Imagine you just died, right now. All of your responsibilities, relationships, plans and worries would vanish like they were never even real, and the world would go on perfectly fine without your input, just like it did before you existed. It’s nothing personal, just the plain truth.

Your hopes and worries never mattered anyway. They only appeared to be so critical because while you were alive you had the insidious (but normal) human habit of seeing things only insofar as they relate to you and your interests.

Really, try this. Imagine you’ve died but you can still watch what happens. You can even wander around the house or the neighborhood like that. Suddenly, the spectacle of what happens is all that’s important, and how it might affect you has nothing to do with it whatsoever, because there is no you.

If you can achieve that mindset of being utterly absent — and it’s not difficult — you will experience no self-consciousness, no worries, no angst, no fear. Just stuff happening. Interesting stuff. Poetic and absurd and compelling all at the same time.

The sensation of “not being there” is one of utter clarity. It will feel as if you’ve dropped a weight you never knew you were carrying.

Once you get a feel for that state, you will realize how much of your everyday thoughts are not about what actually happens, but about what’s in it for you or not in it for you. Those thoughts are the source of all self-consciousness, fear, longing and existential pain.

There is no sufferer, so there is no suffering. Curiously, beauty survives.

You will find that what happens around you is always beautiful and painless if you can watch it without evaluating it against your personal interests. And that’s easy to do when you’re not there.

So die, often.

R

Photo by David Cain

This and 16 other classic Raptitude articles can be found in This Will Never Happen Again. Now available for your e-reader, mobile device, or PC. See reviews here.

This will never happen again cover



Jayce December 19, 2013 at 11:29 pm

I am fascinated by the concept of seeing the world around me without seeing myself as a part of it. I’m going to try this in a lot of different situations as I think it will help me be less self conscious and more at ease as well as helping me be more aware of what is going on around me.

After reading David’s blog (is that the right reference?) and the many related comments, I was reminded about a short (and free) Kindle book I had downloaded a few months ago. “It’s Not All About Me” by Robin Dreeke. He discusses several techniques for being a better communicator. He identifies, “ego suspension” as one of the most effective of these. Many will probably recognize the “egotistic” tendency to immediately respond to anything someone says with a similar experience or story of our own without giving the other person a chance to talk more about their own experience. The concept is basically the same as David’s idea…….sometimes, we need to get out of our own way. I think practicing David’s “dying on purpose” will help me apply “ego suspension” when I talk with others.

This is a great website…..glad I found it …..looks like I’m a few years behind though.

David May 8, 2014 at 8:11 pm

Big fan of the site, check it all the time, but…I’m not sure if you know this or not, but this post (and others) have been translated into Japanese. o-O

http://resonanz360.com/2014/01/04/%E3%82%8F%E3%81%96%E3%81%A8%E6%AD%BB%E3%82%93%E3%81%A7%E3%81%BF%E3%82%8B-raptitude/

It’s a pretty good translation too.

Just thought you might want to know!

kate June 24, 2014 at 9:28 pm

this post reminded me of something i have discovered, maybe a year ago, or so. And that is, when i want to say something, give some information,or ‘interrupt’ someone, or do something that will have an impact on someone, i stop, and think to myself ‘i don’t need to say that….or give my opinion on this topic’…or tell someone what I think, etc. as it will have an impact on their destiny, and i start thinking that I just want to remain neutral, let them be, …..as everything affects everything . whatever we do affects the whole world…i began feeling like i just wanted to shut up, and leave it all alone. i do this with my son a lot now. Does anyone understand what i’m saying here??

インデックス June 28, 2014 at 2:03 am

満州矢追純一、ハローバイバイ関、モルモン飛鳥昭雄  中国・インド・アメリカ・ロシアは宇宙に比べたら矮小だ。 宇宙人はコーカソイド・中国人よりも優秀だ。 
しかも宮脇はまだ中二なのにやってるのがな・・・
宇宙人はワクワクドキドキするだろ
ゴシックに使うカラコンを探しているのですが、瞳孔の部分がグラデーションになっているもの 影響 : 石平。 黄文雄。 呉善花。

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