self-esteem

A Short Wildlife Film

{ 18 comments }

Life is still upside down at the moment.  Everything is packed up and ready to go, my apartment is just a computer surrounded by cardboard boxes.  My inbox is overflowing, as is my brain.  A million things to do.  Raptitude posts will be short and sweet until probably July 6.

***

I’m sure some of you haven’t seen this video yet.  It will definitely make you smile, but it did much more than that for me.  If you have seen it, it’s worth another viewing.  I saw it late at night a few weeks ago, forgot it, and then rediscovered it on a blog called Sublime Goodness.  It illustrates one of the dynamics of human society: it’s easy to join a bandwagon, but takes real courage to start one.

(Video removed temporarily because I think it was causing problems for readers using Internet Explorer. You can view it on Sublime Goodness)

I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a clearer illustration of the formation of a movement.  It begins with an individual expressing himself without regard for convention or appearances.  People snicker and point.  But he continues, because he’s not afraid to be himself.  Soon others see the truth and honesty in what he is doing, and want to be a part of it.

Courage, however it manifests, is irresistible to human beings.  We all wish we had it, and we revere it in whomever we find it.  It takes much less courage to be the second one in, and half that again to be the third, and no courage at all to throw yourself into a mob.

By the time there are fifty souls in the mix, people are tripping over each other to be a part of it.  No doubt some of them had been laughing at the guy minutes before.

This is social proof at work.  Most of the people who end up dancing were only in there because there were dozens of others showed them that it was okay first.  I don’t want to read too much into an eccentric dancer at a music festival, but I think it’s clear that most of the people in the mob would not have had the courage or the initiative to be the first one dancing.

It’s scary to do something before the people around you say it’s okay.  The truth is most people will always wait for some kind of permission to do what they feel like.  Doing what everyone else is doing is always safe.  You can see this follower syndrome everywhere: in conversation, in business, in music, decor, dress, hobbies, habits, lifestyles and even aspirations.

I’m learning to identify the sensation of feeling socially ‘safe,’ and to mistrust it.  It can only lead a person down beaten paths.  I want to go somewhere else.

Did you like this post? Get Raptitude articles via RSS feed. Or if you prefer, get them by Email. It’s easy, and free!

by David on June 25, 2009
{ Read More }

Do Something

{ 23 comments }
creepy cpr faces

The first thing I heard was the crash.  I spun around on my stool, and she was already crumpled on the floor, head bent against the radiator.

Her eyes were open and blank, and she appeared to speak, but it was just part of the seizure.  She wasn’t there at all.  Her movements were so stiff and unnatural that I thought I was watching somebody die.

When she fell, there was nobody in the classroom closer to her than me.  Four or five feet away.   But I couldn’t move.  I didn’t know what to do.  I just stared, heart racing, and hoped somebody would just do something. Read More

by David on May 25, 2009
{ Read More }

Does Your Story Have This Common Weakness?

{ 31 comments }
Post image for Does Your Story Have This Common Weakness?

I always wanted to be Indiana Jones.  I was the only nine-year-old on the block with a fedora and a genuine bullwhip.  I watched the movies all the time.  I couldn’t get enough ancient tombs and hidden doors and mine-cart chases.  That was the appeal for me, the action.  It wasn’t until I grew up a bit that I started to actually understand the plots of some of the movies I was watching.  It wasn’t just a familiar parade of fascinating scenes, those scenes actually caused each other.  None of them stood alone.

The deeper message in the story always went over my head too.  It was the spectacle I was interested in, the romance and drama, not so much the people.  I saw Raiders of the Lost Ark several times before I even realized that the dorky professor at the beginning was Indiana Jones.

As I grew up, I realized that the real power of story was in the development of the characters, not the exploding jeeps.  Read More

by David on May 22, 2009
{ Read More }

How to Always Have Something Better to Talk About Than the Weather

{ 82 comments }
Coffee and rain

Six years ago, when I lived in a snowy mountain village and paid my bills by cleaning high-end sinks and toilets, someone said something that prompted me to confront an uncomfortable truth about myself.

A well-meaning coworker mentioned that she had been talking to another housekeeper about me.  Oh?

“She said, ‘David is a such great guy to work with, it’s just that he’s just so quiet.‘”

I don’t remember how I responded, but I assume I tried to disagree somehow, and went back to my work hoping nobody would ever say that to me again. Read More

by David on April 26, 2009
{ Read More }

How to Alleviate Self-Consciousness and Other People-Allergies

{ 40 comments }
Post image for How to Alleviate Self-Consciousness and Other People-Allergies

“Hell is other people.”

~Sartre

Whether it’s the rude throng of last-minute Christmas shoppers, or the drunken fratboys slithering up to you at a concert, or the old man in the restaurant booth behind you who clears his decrepit throat every forty seconds, everyone finds themselves feeling a general aversion to people now and then.  For those with any level of social anxiety, there is always at least a hum of this derision in the background, sometimes a full-on shout.  Even for those without it, repeated ugly experiences can inspire a familiar distaste for people that may never completely disappear.  Unless, of course, the people do.

Sometimes the feeling is disdain for their behavior, other times it’s a fear of it.  Think of the last time you got upset.  Chances are, the actions of another person had something to do with it.  Other people seem to trigger the most unpleasant emotions in us.  Self-consciousness, intimidation, embarrassment, anger, vulnerability and humiliation tend to characterize our most painful experiences and our most unsettling memories.

When people are present, suddenly there arises a certain tension in the body and mind, however subtle.  Our senses are very keen to the spectrum of threats other human beings can present to us. This physical and emotional reaction to people could almost be described as an allergy; an involuntary reaction to the introduction of a certain element to the environment.  This offending element is humanity. Read More

by David on April 10, 2009
{ Read More }

The One Ingredient Necessary for Accepting Yourself

{ 98 comments }
Face

Recently I was surfing an online forum, and I came across something that almost made me cry. Somebody had dug up an old, old post of mine and replied to it. Sometimes new users on a forum don’t look at the date on a old post, and they respond to it as if it were still relevant, so the post goes to the top of the first page in the list, even if it’s years old.

Those of you who read online forums have seen this happen many times, I’m sure, and so had I. But this one gave me an instant lump in the throat.

The post was called, “My Struggle.”

The desperate tone of the post stunned me. I couldn’t believe it was me.

In it, I had spilled my guts to everyone who would listen, over my dissatisfaction with myself and my life. I hated how I never finished anything, never got on a roll, never got good at what I wanted to be good at. I was not able to accept myself, because to accept myself meant that what I was doing (and failing to do) was fine.  Read More

by David on March 23, 2009
{ Read More }
{ Newer Entries }