How to Keep Bad Moods From Taking You Over

Sad man sitting on bed

Photo by r.f.m II

Well, it happens sometimes.

I find myself in a lousy mood. Hard to say where it started, but it certainly has something to do with not getting much sleep Saturday night. I had big plans for Sunday, but the day was compromised by my zombie state. I think my IQ shrunk about thirty points from normal, for the whole day. I did everything wrong. I cooked badly, I conversed badly, I wrote badly.

My funk cruised on through today too. Work was a real slog, even though everything I needed to do was easy. I was working outside, which I normally enjoy. I wanted to go home. I wanted some Belgian chocolate. I wanted the Sun to f**k off.

Today I was going to write a more in-depth post on another topic, but when I sat down to do it, it was like pulling teeth. I know I could have churned out something, but it would have been a crusty, callous little post. I just couldn’t resonate with what I was had planned to write about, so I asked myself The Big Question: “Given my dreams and goals in life, what is honestly the smartest way to spend my next 30 minutes?” My answer came: Write about what you can resonate with right now. So I decided to put my crap mood to good use. 

The Nature of the Beast

Low moods are a bizarre animal. They’re like a nasty drug that hijacks your thoughts and robs you of your intuition and perspective. They make bad things look bigger and good things look smaller. It’s as if they have their own demented gravity, drawing annoyances and inconveniences — not to mention the crappy moods of other people — out of the woodwork towards you. Foul moods don’t seem to emanate from any particular source, or line of thought, they just waft into your headspace when you’re disappointed and vulnerable. They cast a pervasive dullness on the people you meet and the places you visit, and the things you think about.

Mine is currently sucking the excitement out of certain upcoming events that normally thrill me to think about.  My big travel plans, my growing new blog (which is, as I type, having its busiest traffic day ever) and my newly blossoming friendships are all lending me very little joy at this particular moment. Because my mood sucks. C’est la vie.

Thankfully I’ve learned to recognize what it means to be in a bad mood, and usually I can remember what to do about it. Above all else, a bad mood means I’ve lost perspective. I can’t see clearly, and I know it.

In a bad mood, the thinking mind sticks around (sometimes it even goes into overdrive) but wisdom seems to slink away when you’re not looking. The highest properties of the mind — intuition, compassion, patience and acceptance — slip quietly out the door like bored houseguests. Today, even when I looked for them in my head, even when I knew they were exactly what I needed to get back on track, I just couldn’t locate them.

Simply understanding this “wisdom-loss” phenomenon inherent to bad moods goes a long way. It explains why everything looks so bad. Perspective becomes impaired, but you can’t actually see that while it is happening. You just have to remember that bad moods bend things towards the negative end.

Part of the impairment is that your mind tells you your negative outlook is completely warranted. When you simply remind yourself that you are temporarily missing certain important mental qualities, you can consciously defer any bigger decisions and actions until you have your whole mind working for you again.

The most important thing I ever learned about moods is this:

Your mood does not represent the state of your life, but it pretends to.

Looking objectively at the state of my life right now, it’s spectacular. I’m young, in good health, I have friends coming out of my ears, I’ve finally got a long-needed creative outlet, I’m gearing up for an epic trip this fall, I’m generally unfettered by debt, and I even don’t mind my day job. But my bad mood doesn’t care. It doesn’t see any value in those things. I feel no swell of excitement when I think about them. I still want to lay down and put my head under a pillow.

Emotionally, it feels like my dreams have plowed into the guardrail. Bottomed out and spewing smoke. Wrecked. In the past I would have trusted this feeling, and made decisions based on it. I would have pictured an unrealistically bleak future, convinced myself it was well on its way towards me, and panicked accordingly. But now I know bad moods make for unreliable assessments. Tomorrow, all the same things will look different. This I know from experience.

The Role of Physical Interference

I have learned a lot about how to be calm and patient under normal circumstances, but I find physical interference erodes this very quickly. By physical interference I’m referring to any physical discomfort (such as an upset stomach, excessive heat or cold, or hunger pangs) or any mental impairment (such as lack of sleep or the effects of alcohol.) When your body is screaming for something, patience and acceptance are much more difficult to achieve.

Have you ever had someone trap you in a long-winded conversation when you have to pee really bad? No matter how patient a listener you are normally, you probably aren’t going to be too receptive. Physical bodily distress overrides all of your other priorities. It’s just mother nature looking out for you. No time for the luxury of a good mood when you’ve neglected your body.

For this reason, I found it very difficult to be mindful and appreciative at work today because my head was sluggish and heavy and I desperately wanted to be horizontal. Physical interference will probably undermine pretty much anything you do to recover from your mood, until you can satisfy the body’s needs.

The other day I caught the end of a segment on CBC radio where they were discussing happiness. The guest was familiar to me: blogger Gretchen Rubin, from The Happiness Project. As a parting question, the interviewer asked for the one most important tip she would give people for achieving happiness. Her answer was to get adequate sleep. If I wasn’t convinced then, I am after today. The body’s fundamental needs have to be taken care of before one can hope to be stable emotionally.

Recovering from bad moods

The first step is simply to acknowledge you are in a bad mood. Here’s a litmus test: if you can’t get excited about something you are normally excited about, you’re in a bad mood. Remind yourself that your perspective is currently limited, and that your faculties of wisdom are currently impaired or dormant. Remember that any visions you have of the future are going to look unreasonably bleak, any assessments you make are going to be distorted towards the negative. As a bonus, other people are going to seem more annoying than they really are. So take all your judgments with a grain of salt.

Attending to your body’s needs is a sensible first step to responding to a bad mood. Understand, though, the difference between what your body needs and what your mind wants. Your weary body might want sleep, while your flustered mind wants Häagen-Dazs. There is a fine line between mental wants and bodily needs, but it can be hard to see.

To determine what your body is asking for, focus your attention on the physical sensations in your body: observe what your stomach feels like, what your breathing feels like, what your head feels like. Scan the body by closing your eyes and noticing the sensations. Any needs should become apparent, and while your attention is on your body, your mind will be quiet.

A Warning

It is very tempting (and common) to treat bad moods by indulging one’s wants. The Häagen-Dazs approach is self-comfort, not self-love. Beware of this phenomenon: bad moods make you wanty. I say wanty instead of needy because often wants masquerade as genuine needs.

In my experience, bad moods usually spawn a very strong want for comfort. This can be a spectacularly intense desire — it is crucial to handle it sensibly. If we choose to respond with some sort of indulgence, addiction is a very real danger. Most of us have a favorite way of responding to this comfort-lust, and depending on how conditioned we are to it, it can be a killer.

Some people shop themselves into hopeless debt. Some drink themselves into ruined health and relationships. Some eat until they are ashamed and sick. Some throw tantrums and punch walls. Some stare into the television for four hours straight. All of us do something to respond to the desire for comfort, and most often it has some sort of cost.

Once a pattern emerges, it can become more and more insidious and even completely derail someone’s life. The shame of indulging in a comfort habit can reinforce a bad mood, and very often it becomes self-perpetuating. Lives can be taken over and destroyed by it. Watch an episode of Intervention if you don’t know what that looks like.

Think about how you normally respond to the desire for comfort. What does it cost you? What could you do instead that doesn’t have such a cost?  Bad moods will come and go your whole life. Don’t let them rob you each time. There is no limit to the number of bad moods you can have, so there is no limit to the amount of money, physical health and self-respect you can lose.

Find another way to behave in those situations. Take a walk, visit a friend, pick up a book, work out, go learn something… anything but give up money or health to this bad mood. In any case, indulging the lust for comfort usually just prolongs the funk by making you feel like you need more of that indulgence to push it away again.

Ugly moods pass more quickly when you acknowledge them, let them visit you for a bit, and avoid chasing them away with indulgence. Remember some guidelines: Defer big decisions until you’re in a better headspace. Take all of your assessments — of people and of situations — with a grain of salt. Do not trust any visions you have of the future, or any assessments of your ability, worth or potential. There is just so much there you just can’t see. Beware of assigning blame. Similar to “Don’t drink and drive” is “Don’t fret and decide.” Wait until you sober up. Sleep it off.

The main rule of thumb is this: know it will be gone soon, and do as little harm as possible in the mean time.

And now I feel fine again. Look at that.

R

Learn to live in the present

Everyday mindfulness has transformed my life, and has for countless others. You can use it to reduce stress, deal calmly with trouble, and experience joy and peace throughout each day. Making it a habit is easier than you probably think. Learn how.


{ 82 Comments }

Sally Thompson September 30, 2011 at 10:04 am

When I’m in bad mood, you can never talk to me and at this age I still have tantrums.. I really want to check this to the psychology but I have no time.. Thanks for sharing this great blog.. Love to follow it!

ginsignsen October 2, 2011 at 9:31 am

David,
It is so wonderful to know that “out there” there are young minds, might I say, “philosophers” who need to be heard by all.
This internet is a stage for all to hear.

Your thoughts are a wake up call to the young and old alike.
The young still have time to “get over themselves” and the old; well, we can still end life’s adventure with a smile.

Keep on Talking Out Loud… not a bad name for your book…

Talya Rind November 6, 2011 at 6:36 am

Such a great post and I love your writing voice! I can hear your wisdom and the witty-ness and humor all intermingled and obviously illuminated in your writing. I subscribed to your website after I read this. Keep up the great work and just know that your writing is uplifting and giving and you are displaying great generosity by continuing with this. Also writing this blog in the midst of your bad mood must have helped you with your funk i’m guessing. It’s funny how that happens when you give but you end up receiving much more. Thank you!

heartofice97 November 14, 2011 at 6:40 pm

i dont like having bad moods because it makes me even more mad and it gets me into trouble and my friends stopped talking to me. they are no fun, so what can i do to stop the moods? some one please answer me, even though i know no one will. the reasons for my bad moods is my step dad and the way my mom changed to make him happier. well guess what it made me mad and they completely forgot about me. and step dad person made me move time and time again and he says that i have no choice about that and im far away from my family and i know no one and all and he wonders why i dont like him

Jaynie December 16, 2011 at 12:56 am

I’m not sure how I stumbled across your blog – actually I was trying to get some inspiration about what to do with the “rainforest” of paper that was sent home today after my daughter’s 1st year at school..and now I’m hooked. Your new biggest fan! Thanks. Love your thoughts. And i will be keeping all my daughters creative/feeling work samples by the way :)

David December 19, 2011 at 7:28 am

Good to hear Jaynie. Hope I’ll see you in the comment section again sometime soon.

elizabeth December 20, 2011 at 1:22 pm

Hello David just found your writings today,so no time to read all but definately my kind of reading material. A book would make excellent bedtime reading. I am 78 years old and have always wondered what inherent trait or experience forms human behaviour. Reading your articles I find the replies are all about human reaction, very interesting and insightful. Im thankful I still have an enquiring mind- now did I inheret that or was there some influence encouraging me to seek for reasons for everything somewhere in my life? Look forward to reading more of your stuff.

Mike Stewart December 28, 2011 at 2:00 am

All I can say David is that mood swings can happen anytime but it can be prevented with proper diversion of things you can do.

Caesar David January 6, 2012 at 12:00 am

David this is BRILLIANT!!!… Now I just want to know that in which psychological temperament you do belong b’se I’m melancholy and we are very prone to bad moods. I’d also want to know if any temperament can easily be caught by these ugly moods…If you don’t mind me asking brother.

Thanks.

Sarah July 1, 2012 at 2:39 am

This is so, so good! Just discovered your blog, David, and I can’t believe the gems that I’ve picked up already just from stumbling around. Relevant, practicable and thought-provoking stuff in a juicy delight of good writing. Thanks and congratulations to you, sir ;)

Tobi July 6, 2012 at 6:04 am

I’ve read this before but now that I’m reading it while experiencing it it’s interesting…

I let some bad thoughts of a recent break up take me over and prevent me from sleeping (the sun is almost up) I know this isn’t right, but I just hate to go to bed upset because I know that as soon as I put the stimulation of the computer away my mind will be free to entertain itself with whatever it wants, and it usually wants the worst thing possible. It got this bad when I tried a little music before bed, some of my favorite artists, and it ran a rampage then! So I guess this is my addiction, give the brain something else to do besides think of the offending topic. A lot of the time it means giving up sleep. But thanks to your article I know that going to bed (now that the sun is coming up) will be the only way I can feel better.

Thank you, David.

Katie August 5, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Reading your post makes me feel like you’ve been interpreting what has been going on inside my mind for such a long time. Though I am known to be someone with a great sense of humor and have helped my friends snap out of a bad mood in seconds; I often find myself draped in feelings of negativity and depression. But like you said, “now I know bad moods make for unreliable assessments and tomorrow, all the same things will look different.” So I have conditioned my mind to always wait for tomorrow to see things from a different perspective.

Derik August 12, 2012 at 12:56 pm

David,

You’ve got some killer articles on here. They’ve truly helped me, who has been dealing with far too much stress and anxiety, to lighten up and realize how happy I can be with the right mindset. I’m sure I’m not the first to be helped by your work, keep it going, you’ve really got a talent for this.

David August 13, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Good! Run with it.

Jessi Tidwell August 23, 2012 at 12:31 am

Just so you know, I had a very upsetting night at work. When I got home, I was in a terrible mood and everything seemed to be an absolute tragedy.
For some reason, though, my instinct was to go to this blog. I read a few of your articles, and I hope you take pride in knowing that I feel so so so so much relief. I feel like I’m breathing normally. Thank you so much for your writing. I hope you never give it up. You’re very talented at it, and we all soak up your energy like it’s oxygen.

Jessi

Levi Mitze September 14, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Thank you so much for this article! It was extremely helpful, and I think I’m going to save the text of it to my computer so I can refer to in the future when I lose perspective. I often feel, anxious, depressed, and overwhelmed, and these feelings make me constantly shift my life philosophy and general approach to living, so much so that I’m usually in a constant state of confusion. This article gives me hope that I can shake this habit and just accept that periods of depression are not an indication that my worldview or lifestyle is false, but rather a simple, unavoidable fact of life. Thanks, again!

Nic December 11, 2012 at 4:15 pm

I really think that the perspective you took on this subjet is of great depth, looking at it in a very intelligent way (even thought as you said it, you were impaired by your mood, leaving us to think that you practice what you preach, you put yourself to do something usefull and also fought another enemy, boredom, kudos ) I love to learn day by day with this blogs, I wanted to thank you for sharing. One got to give to live, thanks for giving. Best regards

Chuck January 16, 2013 at 10:45 am

Great article David. Eventhough I have done tons of “Recovery work” I still slip occasionally into a mood. My approach is a conscious observation of my mood…then ” let Go”..and Direct my conscious to a task..that the mood is directing me from coompleting…
Have a Great One….

Nuno February 25, 2013 at 5:15 am

I careful ready your blog and I found it very interesting, perhaps because ultimately I feel my self in a bad mood, often. Maybe, under this very same mood, I question my self, how about good mood. Isn’t that also an “… bizarre animal… like a nasty drug that hijacks your thoughts and robs you of your intuition and perspective. In turn they make” good things look bigger and bad things look smaller. “It’s as if they have their own demented gravity, drawing” enjoyment and conveniences…
If so, isn’t that bad as well? How could you recognize such state of mind?

Nick Brucker March 16, 2013 at 8:23 am

Love this article! Thank you so much for writing it. I am currently writing a blog post on how stress is a choice and would love to include this article somewhere in my content :) Keep up the great work, I will surely be back!

elisha May 4, 2013 at 4:45 am

Hey David,
I really admire your positive thinking. It shows your optimism!!
Your suggestions definitely come in handy!!
I think sleeping it off or working it out is the best solution.
It refreshes the mind and clears irrational and emotional thinking.
However, something i have noticed in the past is that when people fail at something or under go a severe change in their life. They react to it in the form of a “bad mood”, and a good way to tackle this is to sit down n note all the problems in a journal and figure out the best way to deal with it.

Micky August 20, 2013 at 5:43 am

I really needed to read this article this morning, thank you so very much for writing it.

I have really intense mood swings when I’m in a bad mood, I go from dignified and in-control to rabid and volatile and I’m very afraid of who I become when I’m in a bad mood. I’ve lost a lot of friends and ruined a lot of peoples days, all because I had a tick on my shoulder and it didn’t stop at strangers and friends but it also interfered with my family life as well. I’m only 19 now and I’m still learning how the world around me works but my biggest goal, the one that I want to conquer more than anything on earth is how to avoid being a jackass.

Thank you again, great website too. It’s refreshing to just see text and a solid color background instead of a bunch of flashy images and gradients.

Daneen September 2, 2013 at 6:10 pm

Hey…loved this article. I really needed to read that today. It helped put things in perspective and stopped the negative thinking cycle. It is very true that we create our own reality with our thinking. I’m going to get up and get moving and focus on the positive…You have a great gift for writing that can help people.

Ariel September 5, 2013 at 4:58 pm

Thank you for this article. It really helped me understand the thinking cycle of bad moods that I have observed in someone very close to me. I will be better able to not take them as a personal attack and just wait them out patiently. . .

Dollie September 6, 2013 at 6:46 pm

I was suggested this blog by my cousin. I am not
sure whether this post is written by him as noo one else know suc detailed about my problem.

You are incredible! Thanks!

Peebers December 14, 2013 at 2:10 pm

“Physical bodily distress overrides all of your other priorities. ”

This is what makes dealing with anxiety so difficult. No matter what you try to tell yourself during an “episode” (job interview, speaking in front of a group, etc.), the physiological changes that occur during anxiety are difficult to temper. Once the rush begins, it can spiral out of control and quickly overwhelm. Still working to reprogram my mind and genes:

http://wakeup-world.com/2012/03/26/the-science-of-epigenetics-how-our-minds-can-reprogram-our-genes/

Karthik December 20, 2013 at 4:51 am

Each and every line of this content is marvellous and stinging.Very effective way of pairing wisdom back!!

wini January 14, 2014 at 1:22 pm

You have so much insight into this topic! I can feel most of what you’re writing here, partially I’ve been through it and partially I just realized where my indulgences lie because I read your article. I seek comfort either in my bed (sleep/ watch reruns of favourite tv shows like friends, Frasier or star trek) or I work 7 days a week in 2 jobs and spend my time off just sleeping. I thought this was the path to getting better, but it made me neglect friends and family so it seems to be just another dangerous habit. Your article just totally made me see that for the first time. Thank you!

Tiffany February 25, 2014 at 8:37 am

Thank you for writing this! I really needed this today, I woke up in a pretty crappy mood… no apparent reason why, just did. Actually, I take that back, it may be because last night wasn’t really the best of nights. Nothing really in particular bad happened, just one of those nights, you know. And that, sort of sunk into today, I think, but thank you for this article, I needed to be reminded that I’m maybe not in the best headspace right now and that I just need to accept that so I can work on moving past this mood.

credwi88 March 28, 2014 at 4:36 pm

Thank you. I needed this. very very much.

David April 25, 2014 at 7:51 am

Hi David, this is my first comment, but I’ve been reading your posts for about a year now. Your posts always seem to come at the right time of my life and always leave me feeling uplifted. I’ve been in a bad mood all week but after reading this you’ve really helped and I hope this will help me deal with negative thoughts and feelings in the future. I really appreciate what you do, Thank you!

Lisa July 1, 2014 at 12:31 pm

R,
Thank you for sharing your take on the side effects of bad moods and how to deal with them. What helped me in this small but power packed read is in relating use of ‘comfort habits’ when the bad mood is around. I have identified one of my most predominant comfort habits and have noted that I do it frequently, however I didn’t think it was from a continuous bad mood. I like the reference to human body reactions predisposing us to enter the bad mood syndrome. I have known of this cycle for years and your thoughts and opinion rewritten here have some how driven the point to my conscious mind. Nice writing~~~L

Comments on this entry are closed.

{ 56 Trackbacks }


Raptitude is an independent blog by . Some links on this page may be affiliate links, which means I might earn a commission if you buy certain things I link to. In such cases the cost to the visitor remains the same.