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Getting What We Want Isn’t What We Really Want

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There was a fascinating piece in The New Yorker recently about a man who, in the 1960s, bought a motel just so he could spy on his guests. He had always been captivated by other people’s private moments, by how differently they behave when they think they’re alone. He admits he also wanted to see them have sex.

The article is fascinating for many reasons (check it out here). But perhaps the owner’s most interesting discovery was that human beings are quite typically miserable on vacation.

Alain de Botton has written about this phenomenon: that our vacations never actually resemble the week of bliss and relaxation we expect them to be. In his short documentary The Art of Travel, he describes the hilarious—and all-too-familiar—way in which his long-awaited Mediterranean cruise unfolds as a parade of mild disappointments, even though there was nothing particularly wrong with any of it.

Getting what we want, or think we want—in those brief moments when we actually do—always seems to be more complicated and fraught than what we pictured.

But maybe getting what we want isn’t really what we want in life. 

Whenever someone suggests it, I always want to go out for dinner. The thought of it makes me high. There are consequences, however, to going out to eat every time I have the impulse—potentially serious, long-term ones, both financial and subcutaneous. But dining out is such an ever-exciting proposition that it seems worth making those tradeoffs on a regular basis.

When I think about it, this sense of delight I expect is never actually present throughout the whole meal. On this occasion it is interrupted by complications the moment my friend and I arrive at the restaurant.

The host seats us and says our server will be right with us, which, as the minutes pass, begins to seem untrue. Do I need to get up and ask someone? No, I should wait. Our future server is probably busy, dreading that shoe-drop moment in which an impatient customer politely nags her while she’s working as quickly as she can.

I have no problem waiting five or ten minutes for menus, or even longer. I’m not desperate to eat, I’m desperate to be free of the existential limbo of not knowing whether we’ve been completely overlooked. Human needs are strange—I could fast for twelve hours with little discomfort, yet sometimes it’s amazingly difficult to bear a tiny uncertainty for a minute or two, even about embarrassingly petty things like whether your hired food-servant knows you exist.

Moments later I am released from my private purgatory and we are handed menus. My friend and I order, then we chat about Game of Thrones and far-off wildfires, and we promise each other we will go camping at least once this summer.

Twenty-five hundred years earlier, a much smarter 35-year-old man is sitting under a bodhi tree in India, figuring out why my restaurant experience can’t be remotely as pure and satisfying as the thought of it was. He wants to understand why human life is so hard, even when you’re doing something luxurious and indulgent, such as living in a palace, or paying people to make food for you and refill your water before you have to ask.

This man is working on a bold new theory: that getting what you want leads to the same problems as not getting what you want. His two previous careers—first as a prince who got everything he wanted, and then an ascetic monk who denied himself everything he wanted—demonstrated to him that our level of happiness is directly tied to our endless, tissue-box-like supply of cravings and desires, but has little to do with whether or not those wants are fulfilled.

Instead, he believes it’s how we want that matters. Our well-being hinges on whether we grasp at our desires, doing anything to relieve the feeling, or whether we can instead coolly recognize our desires as they really are: little bubbles of impulse that perpetually form in our awareness, tickle us for a bit, then float away.

Simply getting better at acquiring the things we want does little good. We suffer whether we get the thing or not. If we don’t get it, we suffer the loss. If we do get it, we still suffer because we know we will lose it.

Some part of us naturally suspects this anyway. Evidently, I knew it even when I was an eleven-year old kid, riding home from a department store in our family van after spending a summer’s worth of savings on a Nintendo game. Even in that exact moment, in which the one thing I wanted in life was in a shopping bag on my lap, I became gripped by the fear that we’d all get killed in a car accident on the way home, which would prevent me from playing it. Please, Dad, just make it to the driveway.

I knew it when I was fourteen, in love with amazing new song, and having just bought the album. Every glorious listen came with a faint streak of dread, because I knew I was only sucking the magic out of it with each play.

My chili with bannock is so damn good. This is why I come here. We ought to do this more often, I say to my friend, or maybe just think it. Very quickly, however, I see the end approaching. The chili is disappearing, and I have too much bannock now. I wish I had eaten it more slowly. Next time I’ll do it right. “We should come here more often,” I say again, aloud this time.

But then I see a way out. “The desserts here are great,” I say, pretty sure that that’s true. And before the dessert even arrives, I know that when it’s gone I’ll be ordering a coffee, and by then, the need for more chili will be ancient history. I am satisfied with my plan.

The man under the bodhi tree would have laughed at this plan—to repeatedly redirect my unresolved neediness to something else just over the horizon—even though it’s a pretty standard life strategy.

I’ve read some of his books, or at least books about his books. I even sit on the floor like he says, working with desire a bit every day, which helps me occasionally remember that it’s possible to want something without suffering over whether you get it.

There’s nothing necessarily wrong with deciding to go and get what you want. I will always like dining out, even if it’s never the unmitigated stretch of joy I envision when the decision is made.

But it would help us to remember that what we really want isn’t the thing itself. What we want is the experience of ease and unfettered enjoyment that is promised, falsely, by the thought of acquiring the thing—the restaurant meal, the cruise, the raise, the loving relationship—even though everything comes with its own pains and complications and regrets.

The ease itself we can find much more readily by understanding our wants rather than scrambling to relieve them. We live in a society that’s constantly, cynically, promising that ease and relief through the getting of a particular thing, showing us pictures of it whenever possible, showing us how affordable it is. I constantly forget that it’s the ease, the unfettered mind, that I really want. And the restaurant doesn’t serve that.

But I would like a coffee, if it’s not too much trouble.


Photo by didricks

michael May 23, 2016 at 2:51 am

Thank You for your thought provoking article. I wonder if it’s possible to get the ease and unfettered mind during this lifetime. Please point me to someone who has such a state of mind.
Thank you for alerting me to the passing satisfaction that comes with acquiring something new.

David Cain May 23, 2016 at 8:52 am

Well we do get moments of ease and unfetteredness, and we can create more of those moments by changing our relationship to a given desire in a given moment.

The idea of enlightenment, which I guess would be reaching a permanent state of unfettered mind, is supposed to be possible. I have no idea if it is. But between enlightenment and perpetual misery we have a lot of mobility there, depending on how we field our wants and needs.

John May 27, 2016 at 6:34 pm

I have such a mind (ease and unfettered).

DiscoveredJoys May 23, 2016 at 2:56 am

So true. And arguably some of the other things that bedevil us are down to trying to manage the perpetual little bubbles of impulse. Such as:

“If only I could find my Grand Purpose I wouldn’t be bothered by all these minor wants and impulses.”

Now that partially true… a Grand Purpose might help you not sweat the small stuff, but then when you finally work with your Grand Purpose and it turns out to be only another passing purpose or goal then the ‘wants’ start up all over again and you have one less strategy to cope with them.

David Cain May 23, 2016 at 8:53 am

Totally… what could a grand purpose be but a thought you have in some of your moments?

Donatas May 23, 2016 at 3:54 am

You are really getting better on writing. It was a real pleasure to read this.

David Cain May 23, 2016 at 8:53 am

Well shucks Donatas. Many thanks.

Zoe May 23, 2016 at 4:40 am

I’m with you on the restaurant thing. I like cooking, I make meals from scratch almost every day, but I seem to have this burning desire inside me to eat out… I love opening menus and seeing what’s on offer, that moment when you spot what the waiter’s carrying and realize that it’s your food, the first bite, etc. But like you, I find I often eat it too quickly. It sometimes doesn’t match my expectations and then I’m disappointed. Or somteimes I don’t digest the food well and come away with a stomach ache… Urgh.
With holidays, I’ve started doing something that I should really do with food. Even if I book a trip that sounds fantastic, I try to avoid imagining what it’ll really be like. I try to go into it with as few expectations as possible, as that’s when I tend to enjoy my trip the most. Applying this to restaurant eating should be easy, but when you know what dish you’re going to order and you think you know what it tastes like, I guess it’s easy to fall back on existing expectations. That’s why mindfulness is so powerful. I think next time I go to one of my favourite expectations, I’ll just see how it goes, as if I’m discovering it for the first time. Hopefully it’ll taste good! Who knows?

David Cain May 23, 2016 at 8:58 am

There is definitely a relationship between mindfulness and that “as if for the first time” feeling. When we experience the same thing repeatedly, we habitually stop noticing it as a sensory experience and start to see it as a conceptual one.

Often I do a little exercise like this: I pretend I’ve just woken up into the moment, like nothing happened before this, and the whole scene in front of me is totally alien. I’ve written about that here: https://www.raptitude.com/2015/10/your-life-is-always-just-beginning/

Chris May 23, 2016 at 5:15 am

Oof. Then, when you look back a month later, all you remember were the nice parts of the evening so you talk yourself into doing it again and again.. even though you know it’ll be the same result!

I’ve always been a takeout person. Sure the food isn’t super hot but then I can eat on my own terms and relax at home. Not sure where I am going with this.

David Cain May 23, 2016 at 8:58 am

Mmmmm takeout

Bob May 23, 2016 at 5:22 am

Good read. Reminds me of another man (Socrates) from another book (Xenophon’s Memorabilia):

“You seem, Antiphon, to imagine that happiness consists in luxury and extravagance. But my belief is that to have no wants is divine; to have as few as possible comes next to the divine; and as that which is divine is supreme, so that which approaches nearest to its nature is nearest to the supreme.”

Or the tl;dr version from Nicolas Boileau:

“Who lives content with little possesses everything.”

David Cain May 23, 2016 at 9:00 am

I love how different traditions all came at the “human condition” problem from a different angle, but they all recognized that it had something to do with responding more wisely to wants and desires.

JILL HOMER May 23, 2016 at 8:33 am

This touches on a similar idea of a few articles I’ve read recently — that humans aren’t happy to be content. Happiness is maintained not in rewards, but in seeking.

“If you’re an artist there are always new modes of expression, new things to create and communicate. The world isn’t fixed, it’s always changing, so that means you have to create anew in light of the changes,” he says. “I don’t think any good scientist thinks one day science will come to an end. Science is about questioning, new ways of looking at things, new devices. That’s entirely open-ended.”

Source: http://qz.com/684940/neuroscience-confirms-that-to-be-truly-happy-you-will-always-need-something-more/

David Cain May 23, 2016 at 9:03 am

This is an idea I’ve been interested in since the first post on raptitude. We’re geared up to be dissatisfied, to always be looking for the next thing. Otherwise we’d lose our competitive edge, which would probably make us happier, but wouldn’t help us survive in a pre-historic competitive environment. So now that survival isn’t such an issue we’re stuck with all these happiness-defeating impulses to get bored of what we have and preoccupied with what we don’t. Woe is us!

Jon May 23, 2016 at 8:53 am

Food is the definition of short term gratification. The moment you consume it, it’s gone. Exercise gave me a different veiw point on food, it’s fuel, and that changed everything.

For other wants, I write them down in a list and look at them on occasion. Over time, I realized that I don’t really want most of them. The short term impulse passes. If something stays on the list for a while, then it has more meaning or purpose than the rest. This gives me some semblance of control over those desires.

Lorrie Beauchamp May 23, 2016 at 9:00 am

Since removing meat from my diet, I’ve been trying (unsuccessfully) to re-define my relationship with food. I like what you said about exercise, can you expand on that?

Jon May 23, 2016 at 10:52 am

When I was training competitvely for triathlons, I was pushing my exercising limits. 10 hours a week at first, up to 15 hours a week, eventually 20. As you push to those extremes, your caloric intake has to balance out, or you start to lose too much weight, recover poorly, and lose energy. With so much time spent exercising, eating just became a necessity. It became a chore to consume enough calories. (and calories that wouldn’t upset your stomach, while being semi-frugal on 4000 cal/day)

Then during a long distance event it helps to refuel. Planning out 15 minute intervals between sips of sport drink was enough to keep me going, without getting sick with the exertion. Also, I would take salt supplements at a regular interval to balance sweat loss on extremely hot days. All of this was just to give my body what it needed to go on.

Now I’m on a more moderate exercise plan, but it was fun to push those boundaries, challenege myself, and learn how my body works. That knowledge can be used cater for any lifestyle I choose going forward.

David Cain May 23, 2016 at 9:04 am

I have discovered the same thing since I started working out regularly. I find smaller amounts of food much more satisfying because I think of it in terms of what it can do for my body (or against it), and not just as a source of entertainment. It feels like a much healthier relationship to food, and the desires that relate to it.

Jon May 23, 2016 at 12:03 pm

Yea, every meal has a purpose with exercise. Just wanted to say thanks for the blog. Always an interesting read!

Lorrie Beauchamp May 23, 2016 at 8:54 am

Well said. A fresh perspective on samsara, and I enjoyed your insight into the “need to be seen” by the wait-person. So true!

I’ve been reading buddhist philosophy for over 15 years, absorbing and meditating on this wonderful point of view.

Maybe it’s just me, but I think it’s the wanting we want. Pure expectational joy, caught up in the moment of potential. That’s a heady feeling. At its best, it happens on a train travelling through unknown territory, on a hike as you climb higher, in bed as you tumble into dreams.

Want the wanting, embrace change, let go of the results… dive in. Life is but a dream.

David Cain May 23, 2016 at 9:08 am

Samsara, that’s the word. It’s such a useful concept and I hope the image of the desire-rollercoaster that is a single restaurant meal would convey it.

Wanting wanting itself is an interesting idea. I believe it. It’s such a deep-seated thing, for humans to seek something, that it makes sense that we would also seek the feeling of seeking. We like stories, and it can be bittersweet when the conflict in a show or novel is resolved, because now there’s nothing to seek, even though we got what we were ostensibly seeking.

Aga May 23, 2016 at 9:00 am

i’ve been thinking about deferred gratification lately, and i think that the pleasure of waiting and wanting needs to be recognized. sometimes the culmination isn’t anywhere near as pleasurable as the wanting itself. i worry that in our society of instant gratification, of movies on demand, online shopping, etc. what we’re missing is that element of anticipation.

remember saturday morning cartoons? how awesome it was to get up first thing saturday morning, get a bowl of cereal ready and turn on the tv? kids now have all that and more every second of every day, but it’s not the cartoons i miss, but the anticipation.

i think that in realising that desire is dangerous because it merely breeds more desire, it’s important to see that it, by itself, can be something to savour, something to enjoy. perhaps the vacation isn’t everything we wanted it to be, but planning it, waiting for it, thinking about it is all part of the pleasure we can savour.

David Cain May 23, 2016 at 9:11 am

Oh man saturday morning used to be like christmas. I remember it as pure joy, getting up early and sitting on the couch wrapped in a blanket, watching absolutely anything at all as long as it was animated.

But I also remember the feeling I’d get around 10:30 – 11am, when the excitement had clearly petered out. It was time to move on with the day, maybe go outside and play with friends. I think you are right: the anticipation is the highest high, not the getting or having.

Kulwinder May 23, 2016 at 9:12 am

Brothers & Sisters,

Once we master the extremely difficult task of noticing our desires as they continuously pop into existence from a source we do not understand, we will see that to run off and try to fulfill them as they appear is quite mad. Not much different from a small child chasing soap bubbles. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

But with awareness, after having assimilated the result of chasing all those bubbles, one must (given sufficient grace) come to the conclusion that its much better to sit on the fence and watch all those bubbles than to chase them.

To not identify with your wants (but acknowledging them all the same) is a monumental task in our current consumer focused society. Your resolve to dim the sensory input flood from your surroundings needs to be anchored in unwavering knowledge.

Knowledge that what you have always been after is: Freedom. Experience of being Limitless. No ‘thing’ (gross or subtle) contains such promise, only knowledge.

I wish you lovely people light and knowledge.

Thank you so much for taking the time to write David. We are all better off because of your contribution.

Betty May 23, 2016 at 10:27 am

This is right-on. What about the BIG wants – justice, equity, freedom from climate crisis, peace (absence of war). are they a different category, even if the means to relieve suffering are the same? Dealing with their absence requires the same kinds of surrender, that’s for sure. P.S. have you written about dealing with the past: not only one’s personal and family past, but the Big past: slavery, genocide, etc. – and the same need to accept and hold the contradictions….

David Cain May 23, 2016 at 4:14 pm

Good question. I think they are categorically the same. I chose petty wants as examples in this post because it’s easier to see the “rollover” effect in action. We do desire things that are worth getting, but it is possible to have an unhealthy relationship to a worthwhile desire. When it comes down to the actual engagement with the desire, the content of the desire isn’t really relevant — we can suffer the same over our desire for justice as we can over our desire for a second ice cream cone.

Tim May 23, 2016 at 10:54 am

Just a few days ago I saw this nifty little formula on Facebook: Happiness equals reality minus expectations. That says a lot in a very few words.

Megan Boschman May 23, 2016 at 11:33 am

Really enjoyed this piece, David. Can you recommend an easily digestible book on (real-life applicable) Buddhist philosophy (especially one that explores the idea that desire is the cause of suffering)? I took a couple classes on Buddhist theory in university but it’s been awhile and the texts I have are mostly a historical account of the origins of Buddhism as a formal religion. Thanks again for your thought-provoking blog.

David Cain May 23, 2016 at 4:27 pm

Buddhism Without Beliefs by Stephen Batchelor is great.

Paul Anthony May 23, 2016 at 11:52 am

Enjoyed the article. Here’s my poetic response to wants that I wrote a few years ago:


If you want it
Don’t buy it
’Til you ponder it
That you need it
An’ can afford it
Without cred-it.

Better y-it
Do without it
Then forget it!

Copyright © 2010 by Paul Anthony Belfiglio

Dan May 23, 2016 at 12:01 pm

Another wonderful read! I was reminded of a great book (highly recommended!) during the part about the cognitive discomfort of having to endure the initial limbo/purgatory after being seated at the restaurant table (which, come to think of it, who really is the “waiter” in that situation):

Nonsense: The Power of Not Knowing

And, as to the broader point, one of the first clips I ever encountered from Alan Watts spoke directly (and quite eloquently/playfully) to that tenacious dilemma:

Life is a Dance

Lisis May 23, 2016 at 12:59 pm

Reminds me of The Merchant of Venice… “All things that are,
Are with more spirit chased than enjoyed.” :)

David Cain May 23, 2016 at 4:28 pm

That guy is so smart

Dan May 23, 2016 at 5:28 pm

Also just remembered another book called “How to Read Literature Like a Professor,” where the author gives his own take on the hero’s journey/structure. One of the earlier steps delineated is “the hero’s stated reason for going” (i.e. their explicit purpose). So, usually, it’s that far off thing – treasure/wealth, love interest, job/social status, trip destination, bowl of chili, etc… – that a “hero” desperately wants and seeks, and believes they need in order be fulfilled and happy.

But it’s always, without fail, what happens along the way (i.e. “the journey”/challenges and trials) that gives meaning to their life, which reveals and actualizes the true final step/real reason for ANY quest: self-knowledge (which I’m pretty sure was the gist of the last line in The Amazing Spider-Man with Andrew Garfield). And, at that point, whatever it was they were after doesn’t seem so special anymore, or live up to its promise (if they bother to attain it at all).

Curtis Smale May 23, 2016 at 11:21 pm

Isn’t it funny that Buddhism’s great desire is to be free of all desire? (Nirvana.) Isn’t that great desire also a problematic desire? And, no one can be free of the desire to eat and still stay alive, so…

David Cain May 24, 2016 at 9:56 am

I think something is usually lost in translation here. Being free of desire doesn’t mean having no desires, it means you don’t suffer from them (i.e. free of clinging).

Curtis Smale May 26, 2016 at 2:42 am

I disagree, and I think Siddhartha Gautama would disagree with you, also. I have read The Dhammapada several times. Nirvana is the blowing out of the candle, the cessation of all desire… Because all desire, according to Buddhism, causes suffering.

Arthur May 23, 2016 at 11:25 pm

Glad to see that you’re back! :)

Curtis Smale May 23, 2016 at 11:26 pm

People love fishing not realizing that it is not fish they hope to catch.

Patrik Horváth May 24, 2016 at 4:11 am

Very interesting recognition David. It is very similar what you wrote in “What You Want Is Never A Thing” many years ago. That was the first post of yours I read around two and a half years ago :)

Katatonic May 24, 2016 at 5:07 pm

That thought you had a boy, clutching your gaming system, pleading with the universe to allow you to get home and PLAY…

That’s kind of how I live a lot of my life now. I enjoy so much, have so much, *appreciate* so much of what’s around me that I just don’t want it to end.

Paradoxically, I want to see the next thing. Do the next thing. Make the next thing. Humans are such silly creatures-we grew brains big enough to contemplate ourselves but we still mostly don’t get it & go home to watch tv.

Roy May 24, 2016 at 11:06 pm

I found out that waiting for a few weeks after wanting to buy something often result in modifying or eliminating that want. This is the reason why I won’t join Amazon prime menbership. Because I can wait until I fill up the $49 free dilivery, and I find my wants gets filtered. On the other hand, if I crave for A glass of smoothy, I just couldn’t wait, since I got that blending 10 years ago, unfortunately.

David Cain May 25, 2016 at 10:01 am

Totally…. this is why one of the most effective ways to save money is to delay every elective purchase. Let the initial excitement pass. If you still want it, maybe it’s worth it.

Rene Marzuk May 25, 2016 at 9:40 am

This has helped me consider my conflicting feelings about going on vacation. I do this thing, since I was a child, like a mental game or a coping mechanism. I try to release myself from expectations and let things surprise me. I refuse (more or less successfully) to see them in advance through imagination. Otherwise, I convince myself that nothing is going to happen exactly, word for word, as I imagine it, so any expectation is just the discovery of something that will not be. We can’t make reality fill the mold of our expectations. I think you are right, what we are after is a feeling, and everything else is currency that promises to get it for us. You were talking about things, but when whenever we try to use someone else as currency to get our fix, it can be disastrous. Thanks for a thought provoking piece.

David Cain May 25, 2016 at 10:03 am

I do something similar: I pretend I just woke up here and I have no idea what’s going on. I have to discover what the moment has to offer, how it will actually be.

Josephine May 26, 2016 at 10:38 am

In Germany there’s a saying, something like “The greatest pleasure lies in the anticipation”. I don’t necessarily see it as a bad thing and I can enjoy my coffee til’ the last sip. I think the secret lies in enjoying the anticipation AND the thing itself, without dreading what comes after. Because after that coffee I’ll still be like “damn, that was good, now back to work”.

موسسه حقوقی May 29, 2016 at 4:26 am

very nice

Aimee June 1, 2016 at 10:10 pm

I’ve gotten through some rough times at work (driver making deliveries) by saying to myself, I will never come back here again. Even if I ever do return to a bad customer, I really will never be back in that same time and place again. Then I feel such peace. I started saying it to myself in joyful times as well and it makes me feel gratitude and peace. So I’ve come to a point where I’m saying the same thing whether times are good or bad, and have tapped into that timeless and unchanging experiencer, the “I” at the heart of all of us. Chapter 24, Craving, of the Dhammapada (I like the Glenn Wallis translation) is one I turn to regularly on this subject. Great article, keep up the good work

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