The human being is the only animal that can say no to treats. That’s what makes us special.
A hungry dog, fish, sheep, centipede – none of them can have their favorite food in front of them and voluntarily refrain from gobbling it up, unless it’s dangerous to do so. A trained dog might hold back for a bit, but it’s really just angling for another reward (pleasing its master) and it knows it’s getting the treat anyway.
The human being can – but might not – simply refrain from gobbling the fudge-covered Oreo sitting in front of him, however it feels to do so.
He might do that because he prefers a competing reward, such as losing weight or not having to brush his teeth again tonight. But he also might do it solely to free himself from the Oreo’s dominance over him. If you can’t not gobble the Oreo, it owns you. It will turn you into its marionette, operating your arms and mouth, insinuating itself into your mind, and then your body.
This danger is why basically every culture has some sort of fasting or renunciation practice – some formalized way of refraining from doing a thing that attracts you like a magnet. People have done it with food, sex, entertainment, comfortable bedding, even idle chit-chat, so that those things don’t turn you into their marionette. The more you can move independently of the things that tempt and comfort you, the more you can live your actual values – whether or not those values include the occasional well-enjoyed cookie or bottle of wine.
The main exception is our own modern, you-do-you culture. Our age rejects any whiff of asceticism, while also offering an infinite buffet of food, sexual stimulation, news, gossip, and entertainment. A million thinkpieces have described the suffering caused by overindulgence in these things. People are dying of depression and addiction and nihilism, yet if you stop watching the news people will say you “have your head in the sand,” and if you skip a single meal people will assume you have an eating disorder.
I don’t suggest we all go and join monasteries. But there’s perhaps never been a culture that would benefit more than ours from small, manageable experiments in renunciation. We’re like withered desert plants that avoid water out of fear of drowning. The great fear of our age is “feeling deprived,” rather than the consequences of excess: addiction, despair, lack of focus, and early death.
The transformation isn’t in the not-having but in the not-taking
If you give up sweets or TikTok for a month, you’ll notice some benefits from simply not having that stuff in your system.
That’s not the main reason to do it though. In my experience, the real power is in the exercise of restraint itself, not just in avoiding the negative effects of the thing. You can feel a loosening, a new tier of agency, when you voluntarily defeat the Oreo in a standoff.
In other words, you’d gain much more from not watching TikTok voluntarily than you would if it were simply unavailable to you. You’re gaining the ability to stand apart from it under your own strength, and that newly strengthened will can be applied elsewhere in your life.
An experiment in renunciation
For the month of December, with the exception of Christmas Day, I will eat nothing before 6pm except plain oatmeal for breakfast, and soup with two boiled eggs for lunch. I also must eat raw, unseasoned vegetables with every meal.
I want to do this precisely because some part of me really doesn’t want to. A cowardly homunculus in my brain believes I am such a delicate being that I can bear nothing less than complete hedonistic freedom. To live at all, I need a guaranteed right to consume any random cookie or Lindt chocolate ball that passes through my sight.
That part of me either masters me or it is my master. It drives or I drive. I want to develop the strength to let that hypothetical fudge-covered Oreo sit uneaten on that plate — forever.
But first let’s see if I can eat oatmeal with nothing else it. If this strikes you as crazy or weird, I urge you to consider how weird it is to live in a culture that makes a taboo of denying yourself anything you might want.
Something like 98% of human lives were lived with nothing approaching a guarantee of three meals a day. People would cross deserts for a chance at the level of food security I am still going to enjoy this December. And many of them still practiced fasting and other forms of formal sacrifice, viewing it as a necessary measure to stay upright and focused on what’s important.
If you want to do something like this too
I invite those of you who like this idea to give something up for December. Take something that attracts you with some level of magnetism, and give it up completely:
- Deep fried food
- Speaking of others in their absence
- Caffeine
- Complaining
- A troublesome phone app, or a few
- Alcohol
- White lies
- Certain types of seedy websites
- Meat
- News
- Political content
It doesn’t have to be a thing you think you should never indulge in. It just needs to be troublesome in some way, a thing you battle or bargain with. You will sacrifice it for a month in the name of growing your inner strength against its influence on you. (If it’s hard to give up, it does have some power over you.)
And you do need to give it a hard no. It’s much better to choose an easier sacrifice and give it up completely, without compromise, all 31 days, than to pick a tougher thing only do it halfway.
Of course, you want to avoid replacing your renounced thing with something equally troublesome – Instagram for TikTok, sugary snacks for fried snacks. You want to feel the absence of the thing, and enjoy the higher but subtler pleasure of steadfastness and temperance.
A Raptitude Forum
For the first time, I’m going to open a discussion forum for this experiment, rather than just keep my own log. That way people can post about their own renunciation project and how it’s going. This is sort of an experiment in itself – if it works I’ll probably do all Raptitude experiments this way.
If you enter your email address at this page, I’ll sort it out over the next few days and email you with instructions on how to post in the forum.
Meanwhile, think about what you want to do without in December – the thing whose puppet-strings you want to free yourself from.
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I'm David, and Raptitude is a blog about getting better at being human -- things we can do to improve our lives today.
{ 32 Comments }
We really, really, really want what we want. (Needs, desires, pleasant things).
And really, really, really don’t want what we don’t want.( To have our wants denied or ‘bad’ things).
Our daily inner monologue recites this mostly every waking moment.
If our inner lives is just this, we have indeed
surrendered to the puppet-master.
But being able to take a step back and see this going on
is the first step to Freedom.
We really do. Desires and aversions are so strong, but we do have some ability to move against them, and I think that is the distinguishing feature of humans.
Like so many of your posts, this one resonates strongly. Add me to the experiment. I’m going to give up eating after 6 pm.
Thanks, David. Your posts have challenged me to be a better person.
Great. I’ll see you in the forum (when I get it figured out)
I clicked on the Timshel link, and I’m glad I did. The essay fit perfectly with a question I have been asking myself: “What kind of person do I want to become?”
If I were to give up Facebook for the month of December, I could probably progress better at answering that question. Add me to the experiment.
Great. My hope is that people will share their observations, because I suspect every instance of renunciation practice will have surprises, in terms of what’s hard about it and what’s not. I’m looking forward to hearing about these discoveries.
And yet, notice, that like the animal, you replace one desire with another. The desire of the Oreo with the desire to “be in control”. You create this narrative in your head, willingly skew your own worldview so that the Oreo is Evil and Being In Control is Good.
At the end of the day, EVERYTHING we do is geared towards maximizing pleasure and minimizing pain. We can only go “against” this if we manage to convince ourselves that it will lead to even greater pleasure / less pain.
Is there then really any control to be had at all? And if there is, then to what end and why? What’s the point?
Well yes you are choosing one path over another, of course. The point is not to replace the renounced thing with another self-defeating vice.
Whether everything “good” can be categorized as “pleasure” is obviously a matter of opinion about language. In any case that doesn’t make any two sources of “pleasure” equivalent. Clearly we can distinguish between activities that are more wise or less wise for us to do.
Well, what “good” thing can you come up with which is neither pleasurable, nor prevents pain (to some degree)?
“Clearly we can distinguish between activities that are more wise or less wise for us to do.” – Really? By what measure? How do you judge an activity to be “more” or “less” wise? And – sorry, if this sounds like sarcasm, but it really is a fundamental question that I’ve been struggling for quite a long while now. On the surface level it seems like it should be easy, but once I start to look more closely, all arguments dissolve into subjective opinions about what brings more pleasure/prevents more pain.
Vilx I think you reduce every idea down to named concepts and then try to figure them out with a kind of “idea math.” Wisdom isn’t a matter of comparing ideas in your head according to some conceptual standard, it’s a matter of seeing the patterns behind how life works, and gaining an understanding of which is better.
How do you know it’s better? Well, the same way the chef knows the soup is good or bad. He isn’t calculating how much salt or spice or whatever is in it and concluding based on that. He knows good when he tastes it because he has developed that sense by living life.
And “good” it isn’t just a matter of his own taste — Michelin-starred chefs can make a soup that will blow the socks off almost anyone.
If we dial up the drama on this thought experiment, and take “You create this narrative in your head, willingly skew your own worldview so that the Oreo is Evil and Being In Control is Good.”, and replace “the Oreo” with “a fentanyl addiction”, and assume the subject is a single parent of a newborn, then yeah, being in control IS good for that person. It’s the more-wise thing to do.
It’s probably pleasurable for that person to feel like they’re in control of their life, and it’s STILL a good and wise thing to do.
I’ve recently had to give up both caffeine and alcohol due to some heart irregularities, (both of which I was freely indulging in.) Other than some sulking, I was surprised at how effective a firm absolute no was—I couldn’t, so I didn’t. I definitely feel much better! I’m thinking about what else might need to go in December…
In some ways the firm no is easier than the wishy-washy sort-of no. You are freed of all the bargaining and hoping you can get away with it.
I’ve found a routine that really works for me. After 7 p.m., I stop eating and give my body a break. I usually go for a walk, but if it’s freezing or snowing, I hop on the spin bike for 20–25 minutes instead. That little bit of movement makes a big difference.
The next day starts with tea made from a mix of ancient spices. It’s warming, it helps suppress hunger, and honestly, it keeps me going until noon or even 2 p.m. A cold polar shower has become part of the ritual too—it’s refreshing, energizing, and strangely addictive.
I try to keep things natural: breathing fresh air outdoors, eating foods that aren’t made in factories or wrapped in boxes. Soon I’ll be adding millets to my meals, since they’re known to help with blood sugar and overall health.
For me, it all comes down to this: if you take care of your mind, your body will follow. We don’t need a pill for every ill—the immune system is our built-in doctor, and with the right habits, it can do amazing things.
Thank you David
It real helps to see these things as “stand-offs” that you can successfully walk away from….
Thankfully Ive been winning these stand offs with caffeine for 6 weeks now. The occasional slip up leaves me feeling like caffeine is a worthy opponent, but certainly not my master anymore!
I was expecting it, but still cringed a little when I saw meat on the list.
My version of this sort off “Spartan diet” you suggest David, would be to refrain from most plant foods and stick to pasture raised meat and fruits.
But perhaps then inadvertently I am defeating the idea of “not getting what I want”.
Double but…. a vegetarian approach should refrain from plant foods and stick to meats?
I mean, it’s whatever you think is best for you. Some people might want to refrain from carbs, and just eat carnivore. Everybody already has a sense of what they’re battling with and what would be better, and they are battling for different reasons — health, morality, religious dictates, frugality, etc.
Did you hear about the people asking AI about its thoughts for the best approach for taking down the next generation? Jonathan Haidt did a piece on it recently in The Free Press. AI responded with something like – I would do it slowly. I would make them feel so busy with the distractions of technology that they did not develop in other areas.
I am heavily paraphrasing what I am maybe only partially recollecting of the piece, but I’ve been asking myself for a while why do I always feel so busy? I think it’s screen time.
I commit to challenging myself to some sort of limitation. I’m not sure what yet. I will be happy to participate in the forum if it fits my renunciation. Thank you for the thought and the challenge.
I didn’t, but if you could post a link I would love to read it.
One massive problem we face is lack of focus, because we’re surrounded by expertly-designed attention-splitting devices, particularly the smartphone. Our attention is being called waaay to many ways, like many 20x too many, for us to feel like we can manage everything our emotions concern us with.
My recommendation to people is certainly to take a complete and utter break from news and politics. You can always come back to it if you think your engagement with it is important in some sense — either way it has a devastating effect on one’s emotions and ability to focus.
I still haven’t read the source material, but in the ’70s and ’80s a consultant named Stafford Beer tried to design ‘cybernetic’ systems to use computers to efficiently run governments and economies. He came to the opinion that most uses of computers actually made decision-making and management processes *less* efficient, by creating so many distractions.
I feel like the smartphone has done the same, for all consumers, to some degree.
I love this experiment and appreciate there will be a forum. I don’t know if I’ll express this well, but if I’m giving something up, I’m making room for something else. If I’m not streaming shows for example, I’ll instead try and do things that I deem are more beneficial to me. It wouldn’t be good to replace that time with some other poor choice (poor choice for me that is). So I think I’ll need to look at it from both sides- what I will stop doing (eating or whatever) and what I’ll do instead.
Okay, I’m going to choose something to give up. I’ve successfully added a 5-min bout of cardio to music first thing every morning, so surely I can add a choice to abstain from something.
Extra joy points for using “homunculus”!
Is the abstain-a-thon supposed to be victory over heightened temptation (keeping the fudge Oreo in plain sight for a month) or “environment-hacking”(not allowing fudge Oreos in the house)?
What are your thoughts on the contrasting approaches?
And perhaps there’s a level of “Bulletproof Abstaining”? For instance, I used to consume soda in childhood and young adulthood. Now, you couldn’t pay me to drink it. I find both the taste AND the health effects repulsive. I look at some other admitted vices and wonder what it would take to nudge them into Bulletproof status…
Use both approaches. I would suggest using environment hacking and other means to help overcome temptation. It’s not just about ascetic machismo, but finding ways to leave it out of your life for a time. Uninstall the apps, keep the snacks out of the house AND say no when the opportunities still arise.
Listen to this quick 2 minute YouTube video from Jocko called “Sugar Coated Lies” daily, or anytime you feel the urge to eat some BS food. It will help you get back on track real quick.
https://youtu.be/pUizmzLeNKg
Jocko <3
Oh this is such good writing and insight. I agree with you that what we really are strengthening is our restraint muscles. I can say no because I realize my dominion over all things. That’s part of our divine creation is having and practicing dominion so this exercise in renuciation is key in reclaiming that divine right. Thank you!!
Wow. You nailed it. The paragraph containing “We’re like withered desert plants that avoid water out of fear of drowning.” sums it up perfectly. Now I’m off to think of what to purposely sacrifice for my greater good…
PS. Really appreciate the graphics in this one! And good luck with your Oreo-avoidance this holiday season!!
It is serendipitous to come across this article this morning. Yesterday my doctor told me my bloodwork showed a sensitivity to gluten and I should try to avoid it for a month or six weeks. I can’t conceive of a meal without a croissant, a tortilla or a hunk of sour dough. Last night I cleaned out the pantry and fridge. The comment by Vilx made me contemplate if I was giving up something bad or good. I also decided to reinstitute my meditation practice which I had allowed to lapse. Thanks for a very thoughtful article.
Eileen, you can do it! I gave up gluten and soy in 2008 and haven’t looked back. I just found this blog today. I plan to give up X for the month. I waste too much time there.
What type of bread do
You eat since you gave up gluten and soy?