So This is Christmas… and How Are You?

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It’s Christmas time, and even though the holiday season is lauded as a time of giving and thinking about others, it’s also a time when people end up thinking about the state of their own lives.

For a number of overlapping reasons, this time of year often triggers some pretty heavy self-reflection, whether or not we want to call it that. In households around the world, some common scenarios are poised to unfold as the holiday season rolls in:

  • As the average person’s spending hits a peak, this time of year we often think about our finances, and how they got to be that way. Is this the one month when your Visa card will carry over a balance? Or is that every month?
  • Many people perennially find themselves sitting across the dinner table from someone with whom there’s a history that might be… touchy at best. Old wounds can surface, as well as the reasons behind them, especially with a bit of wine.
  • With the seasonal proliferation of Salvation Army Santas and World Vision commercials, we sometimes find ourselves in an uncomfortable reflection about what we actually contribute to society and the people in our community. Do you change the channel when “So This is Christmas” comes on, over images of starving children? How do you feel about that?
  • By the same token, we often can’t help but reflect on what kind of family member we’ve been, this year and in years past. Any lingering disappointment with regard to the fulfillment of familial roles — in ourselves about others, in others about ourselves, and in ourselves about ourselves — tends to reach a head in December, for some reason.
  • As we encounter friends and relatives we haven’t seen in a few years, we sometimes can’t help but compare our progress in the realms of career and family.

“Oh you’re running the company now, oh…”

“Are you still seeing what’s-her-face? No?”

“Yeah things are totally great with me, actually. I’m now assistant head manager of food additive development.”

  • In December there are a lot of deadlines to meet, not the least of which is getting our shopping done. Depending on your industry, it may be an especially hectic time at work too. We have gatherings to attend and expectations to meet. Combine these stressors with the insane number of people on the roads and in the stores, not to mention the in-laws in the guest room, and people can reach levels of anxiety they may not experience at all during the other eleven months.
  • Famously, nearly everyone ends up eating and drinking too much, and becomes acutely aware of the lurking self-control problems nearly all of us have. Sometimes I’ll even find myself chain-eating from a bowl of old candy canes — mass-produced sticks of low-grade sugar, from which I derive zero joy — just because it’s there. Honest to God, candy canes.
  • As a natural reflex to these collective urges to stuff our faces and spend out of control, we begin talking about New Year’s Resolutions, which gets us thinking about exactly what it is we can’t stand about ourselves. Sometimes we’re moved enough to take a stab at a habit change, because it looks like a clean slate is just around the corner (but if it is, why can it only begin in January?)
  • And as a backdrop to all this personal angst, this is the time of year when consumerism mushrooms from its year-round, casual inanity to become the grotesque, annual abomination we know as Christmas Shopping Season. Regular people, possessed by some sinister magic emanating from the television, trample and elbow their way through others to get a better deal on a Blu-Ray player than the next guy. If you’re somehow able to stay level-headed throughout this shrewdly-engineered winter orgy, it’s hard not to get a bit cynical about the whole thing.

Yet, amidst all the retail and social chaos, most of us will also find ourselves, at one moment or another during the season, recognizing with an unusual clarity what and who are truly most important in our lives.

Welcome to the end of the year. It’s a natural time to look at who you are, where you’re headed, and what you’ve been up to all this time.

My question is:

How are you doing? Right now.

I’d really like to know. Don’t just answer “Oh, good!” or “Not so great.” Be specific. What are you finding hard in your life at this very moment? What about your life do you feel a need to change? Think about it, and share it with the other readers in the comments below. Even if you never leave comments.

You can even remain anonymous if you want, just use a fake name and email address.

Share whatever’s on your mind. It doesn’t even need to be about your troubles necessarily. What’s most important to you right now?

Why share this? A few reasons. First of all, as much as Christmas is portrayed in our culture as a joyful, fulfilling season, for a lot of people it’s a particularly difficult time of year. With all the festivities and expectations of Christmas, sometimes we don’t have a place where we feel comfortable saying so.

Secondly, this time of year many people find themselves enacting roles where they tend primarily to the needs of others, whether it’s as a host or hostess, a gift-giver, a romantic partner, a parent, or an retail employee. With all the seasonal busyness going on, it’s common to become so preoccupied with the needs of other people that we forget to tend to ourselves.

It’s also comforting just to know what’s on other people’s minds, which we might otherwise be oblivious to, with so much going on.

So tell me, how’s life?

R

It'll be okay, little buddy

Photo by Viktor Bezrukov and dtweney

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{ 98 Comments }

michi December 10, 2010 at 9:50 pm

Thank you for asking! I appreciate how you are replying to people as time permits.

I dread going home a bit as my mother’s Alzeihmer’s is only getting worse, and my father is starting to struggle to cope with it. We saw the decline begin about 10 years ago. Now I see friends decline in a similar way though on vastly different paths, getting incredibly frustrated at things like traffic or failed romance or simply not being #1 at things. I’m nothing like perfect myself, but it’s hard to know how to help without feeling like I’m shoving my strange (Buddhist) philosophy down their throats! At least they keep calling for advice. I have virtually no job prospects right now, 4 days away from being finished with my law degree, no idea in which city I will be living two months from now. Finally, I am in the process of getting diagnosed with epilepsy.

Some heavy shit!

Hahaha, fortunately I have learned to catch myself, notice it, be aware when I am in a funk. I have the recipe for joy and all the ingredients right here in my head and heart!

Thank you again for your good articles. <3 I feel like we're at similar stages exploring similar paths.

Danielle December 11, 2010 at 1:44 pm

I’ve been away from your blog for a while and wow, what a post to return to!

Right now, I am afraid and standing in my own way towards building a life/career doing what I love, which is photography. I’ve been blogging and taking pictures of food for the past year and a half, but only recently decided to take it one step further to professionalize this activity. I have a portfolio, business cards, been going to networking events, etc….and yet, I’m holding back. I’m not really putting myself out there because I’m afraid I’m not good enough. I’m afraid of criticism, of ‘failing’ (a nebulous concept I haven’t defined), of what other people will think. My self-perception and relationships with others is based on fear (of rejection, humiliation, etc etc) and I am working through that. It’s not easy, but that is where I am right now.

Apart from those issues, I have nothing to complain about. Like most people on this thread, I detest the commercial trappings of Christmas, so I make my own gifts. Last year I gave out boxes of macarons (French almond cookies) and this year will be jars of homemade Nutella. It’s a tradition I intend to continue for as long as possible because it doesn’t feed ‘the machine’, and I’d like to think that these homemade treats help to relief the stresses my friends face in their lives, even for a brief moment.

Gerrit December 11, 2010 at 5:30 pm

Danielle, Unfortunately there is no link to your website; I would have loved to see your photos in order to check if you are good enough.

;-)

Being afraid is human nature, but unfortunately there is not really a way of overcoming fear. As Susan Jeffers says: “feel the fear – and do it anyway.” She explains that all people have fear, even these successful people who we look at in awe; they have just learned to deal with it. And probably the best way to do so is in small steps.

The other thing is that if you want to be perfect, you will probably never start. Do you have any role models in photography? If so, look at some at their early works. I am sure you will see that they were not that great when they started off, but they improved over the years.

Thirdly, do YOU like what you are doing, do YOU like your photos? You should not be depending on the judgement of other people for a simple reason: it is impossible to please everybody! There will always be people who don’t like your work or they don’t like you, and perhaps they will try to put you down. There will always be other people who will LOVE your work. That’s just how it is. I think the most important aspect though is whether YOU love what you are doing.

Now, can I finally see your photos?

And most importantly, can I have a jar of your homemade Nutella…?

Kris December 12, 2010 at 1:46 am

It’s nice to have someone ask me how I’m doing. It’s nice to have a forum to tell complete strangers how I’m feeling. To be honest, after reading about how great some people are doing, it only managed to make me feel worse about how great I’m NOT doing. Not your fault, I know. I’m certainly happy for you all. I’m just loathing in self-pity these days and need to get it off my chest and release it all out to the cyber-world, I suppose. So, here goes…

I am currently unfulfilled. That’s the best word I can think of to describe it. Something is missing and I’m not even exactly sure what it is. I am unfulfilled in almost every important aspect of my life. My job. My marriage. My friends. I read your posts about overcoming bad moods and losing perspective at the moment, and while I want to integrate your advice so badly into my life, I wonder if I actually will. I feel like I’m starting to hit a point where I’m not sure if I can trust myself to not engage in things I know I shouldn’t… or with people that I know that I shouldn’t. I’m sure it comes from stifling myself and trying to be a perfect and in control all the time. I don’t always want to be. But most of the time, in my thought process at least, it boils down to “I have to be”. But, honestly… I’m kind of tired of playing that role. I would love to have, even if just for a fleeting moment, a sense of disregard or carelessness. In a weird way, I kind of envy people that live selfishly and do what THEY want to do. It seems so much easier that way.

Hopefully this is just a case of the wintertime blues. But, thank you to those that cared enough to read what I had to say. I kinda feel better now.

Astrid December 24, 2010 at 3:52 am

That’s not living selfishly, that’s just being honest with yourself. Try it, it’s the best and most beautiful way to live.

Katherine MacDonald December 12, 2010 at 7:05 pm

Lately, I haven’t been doing well.
It’s not that everything is terrible. It’s just that nothing is going great for me.
In the summer, I moved, for the first time since second grade. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I wouldn’t have expected it to be as hard as it’s been. I guess when you’re in second grade, friends are much more disposable.
I miss my friends, a lot. Of my two best friends in the world, one has stayed in touch, and is visiting me over the holidays. But the other isn’t doing such a good job with that. She was supposed to visit me, but changed her mind. And refuses to stay in touch. I know she doesn’t intend for it to feel so harsh, but it’s pretty hurtful.
Meanwhile, I have become painfully shy. Even after months of spending time with my new “friends,” I have to force myself to speak, and there aren’t even any beginnings of cracks in my new shell. I haven’t been shy for years, but I’m finding the whole thing very difficult.
I’ve also been allowing my school work go to the wayside. Nothing terrible, with an average of eighty-four, but… I should definitely be doing better than than I am in math.
Nonetheless, I am looking forward to the holidays. They will give me a well-needed break, and a chance to do some reading, build some snow forts, and take a couple of baths. Plus see one of my friends, who I miss dearly.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for giving me a chance to do this.
Have a wonderful holiday.

David December 12, 2010 at 10:43 pm

I’m overwhelmed with the response here. There are so many stories. I’m not always sure what to say. When I wrote this post I wasn’t feeling too Christmasy, and I had a feeling I wasn’t the only one. The common themes seem to be that everyone has their hard times, and everyone has things to be grateful for. I appreciate all of your stories and it sounds like everyone else does too. Thanks so much.

Brigid December 13, 2010 at 5:43 am

Christmas for me is a time to do things fun. I have a large family of 6 sons and over the years there have been some fun and some funny and some moments of losing the plot. Water fights, present wrecking and getting sick from eating ALL the xmas chocolate in one hit (before lunch) have been some common events in the past.
The main thing is to love each other, forgive and just have some fun. No rules, no family judgements and lotsa fun are on the agenda. There will be 4 sons and 3 of their partners and 1 grand daughter this year ( and skype with the other 2 sons in Canada). A Hoola Hoop competition is in the air this year for sure! Wahoo!
Have a good day to all…..

Liz December 14, 2010 at 9:30 am

Hey David,

I’m doing well. This year, I got married and bought a house and now have a Christmas tree for the first time. All these are wonderful things but lurking at the back of my mind is wondering how long it will all last. My extended family and my husband’s family exhibited a selfishness about our wedding that’s really disturbing. Basically, I found out what I mean to people and it doesn’t sit with me too well. One half of me says to try harder to win good graces and the other half asks why on earth would I need to? I suppose this is par for the course for most weddings but it’s given me a bit of self-conciousness and a need to please which I find unnatural within myself. On the plus-side I’m making some inroads into self-awareness and I have to say, your blog has helped me limp along. So thanks, David, and have a merry Christmas!

Dusty December 14, 2010 at 10:35 pm

I’ve come to believe that no one over the age of eighteen actually enjoys Christmas. The only people I’ve seen enjoy it with no stress are children, and all the adults I know are the complete opposite. Every year, my parents do things they don’t want to do for the sake of “Christmas”, things they force themselves to do and take no enjoyment out of whatsoever. I’ve seen other people stress out the same way.

As for how I’m doing – not so well. This year’s chewed me up and spat me back out. My anxiety and depression got worse. My grandfather died – and it wasn’t a quick death. He was paralysed and off life support for weeks before he finally passed. My dog got cancer, and while she’s thankfully okay, we know it’s only a matter of time before it comes back, and in a way that kills her. My brother got sick, as well – anxiety, possibly depression, the same things I’ve lived with for years. I saw it coming, years ago, but my mother had flat out told me, “I don’t want to deal with all that again.” Now he’s paying the price for it.

I’ve become more reclusive and cynical than ever, and even a little hateful as well – something that’s starting to set off alarm bells and worry me. I have to go back to schooling, and I’m not sure I can do it.

But there are little bits of light. A couple of weeks ago I realised I’m never getting better – something I found immensely comforting, because it means I can stop waiting to get better before I start my life. I can start it now. Ever since my dog got sick she naps and rolls around in my room a lot, and I feel blessed to spend so much time with her. I made a friend who is so patient, so sweet with me, that she inspires me to be a better friend to the people around me rather than cut and run as I always used to, as soon as I got overwhelmed.

I expected this year to be fantastic. It was the opposite. It was also the last year I expected to be good, because I expect that every year and it never comes true. But at least how awful this year was means that next year can’t be any worse, and I’ve finally learned each year has its good and bad times, some more than others.

mike December 17, 2010 at 11:27 am

Wow….your personal experience sounds amazingly close to my own dusty..i struggled with anxiety neurosis/PTSD (from an abusive alcoholic father)in my 20s and then the depression hit..for years i turned to alcohol and drugs for relief but it only made for more problems..I understand the reclusive tendancies and the hateful demeanor..on a bad day im still that way…after years of therapy and self introspection i am not the same person that i use to be..The 12 step program has helped me immensly but asking God for help was the turning point in my experience……best wishes.

Dave December 15, 2010 at 3:12 am

That’s always a good question to ask :) In my small universe I’m feeling eternally grateful for my lovely family. I’m planning to spend the 2 weeks off work having fun with my family, going running and meditating. Right now I need to leave to get to my middle son’s nativity play (he’s a very excited 5 year old).

Tanja December 15, 2010 at 4:02 pm

Thanks for asking, David! And yes, how are YOU? I have mixed feelings about this past year…I’m happy because I’ve finally overcome an eating disorder that had been poisoning my life for the last 15 years, and I quit my job that I hated and only did for money. I now feel finally free, and ready to really start my life. But I’m 30 years old so I feel a little bit scared, starting my “real” life this late…And at the moment I’m single and unemployed, so I’m stressed about these things too…As for christmas, now that I have absolutely no money I actually feel very little pressure about buying gifts etc. I’m just going to try to enjoy the holidays with my sister and some friends, no gifts or decorations, just having nice meals and conversations together. I wish happy holidays for all of you, and especially to those of you who have had a rough year, let’s hope things will get better next year :)

Henway December 16, 2010 at 9:23 pm

I’m actually doing pretty darn good, but if you asked me the same question 3 weeks ago, my answer would be “I feel shitty”. I’m beginning to meet a girl, and hope this will be the beginning of a relationship. Been traveling the past week or so, and will continue to do so for the rest of this month. I also am set to begin a new job next year. All in all, lots of new beginnings so I am excited!!!

Michelle December 18, 2010 at 12:58 am

I’m not really doing so well. I’m new to this site and I haven’t read much yet so I hope you don’t mind that I spew a bunch of negative all over ya’ll. I look back on this year and realize that I’ve made no progress at all and on Monday I was told that I am a very angry and frustrated person and that I’m not as good at hiding as I think I am. I have failed to meet expectations at my new job and I’m not sure what to do to fix the problem other than to try harder. I’m struggling with taking responsibility for something I’m not sure is my fault and I am having trouble trusting and connecting with the people I work with. I was also confronted by a family member on Thanksgiving about something that I said last year that offended him, so I’m basically feeling like I can’t do much right at the moment.

I want to be a happy person but I’m not even sure if I know anymore what that means or how to go about working towards it. Have I ever been happy? I have moments of happiness, I guess. Is that more than some people have?

On the good side, I went to yoga on Wednesday and my teacher offered (without even really being asked for advice) a book that I could read that might help. It should arrive in a few days so I have hope that there’s at least a tool that has worked for someone else that might help. I so want to change and I’m going to keep trying.

Gerrit December 18, 2010 at 8:13 am

“I look back on this year and realize that I’ve made no progress at all”

Well, what progress would you like to have made?

“I have failed to meet expectations at my new job and I’m not sure what to do to fix the problem other than to try harder.”

Are you sure you know what the actual problem is?
I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but are you sure you are in the right job?
My personal experience is, that trying harder only helps in certain cases, and one of my mottos is “don’t work hard, work smart”.

Ever thought of trying things differently or trying different things?

Michelle December 18, 2010 at 1:26 pm

Hi Gerrit,
Thanks for responding. I know I’m definitely in the wrong job, I just don’t know what the right job should be so that I could work towards that. I’ll try to figure that out but in the meantime, I have to figure out how to do well in this job. And I have to admit, I wasn’t trying very hard to do well. Mainly because I was finding it hard to care and I let the obstacles I was facing be my excuse to give up. I would love to be like Tanja above and just quit but I really don’t have the guts to do that and I agree with my boss when he says that I’ll just be taking my problems with me. So yes, I’ll definitely be trying different things (and to think about things differently) I’m just struggling right now with what those different things should be. And the big question being, is it worth it to do the work for this job? If I decide it isn’t and I go somewhere else, am I just running away?

As far as progress this last year, I feel like I keep spinning in circles. I am dissatisfied with my job, I start looking for something else, I find it, I get really excited, then get disappointed that it’s not working, don’t know what to do, get distracted, get frustrated and start looking for something else, and then have to start all over again from square one. I can’t seem to be able to build on what I have. So maybe progress is that I’ve finally realized it (or found someone who has helped me realize it), I will give myself that much credit.

Gerrit December 19, 2010 at 9:42 pm

It’s not just about guts. I think it is absolutely wise to stay in a job that generates an income for you, as long as you do not have a plan yet about what else you will do. Although I like the idea of “the universe will get it right”, there are just too many people who fell flat on their face when they did not prepare themselves properly.

So, if you are able to “survive” like this for a while, why not invest some time and thought into finding out what your passion truly is? For some people it’s easy; they may know in their childhood already. For others it can take years if not decades.

But even then, this time is not wasted. People who have gone through suffering usually learn a lot from it, so it can be useful. At one point in time you will know and you will have the strengths to act.

All the best and happy holidays!

Lori December 20, 2010 at 10:35 am

I’m not sure how I’m doing. This was the most difficult year for me. My mother died, my biological father shot himself in the head but not without threatening and blaming me first, my relationship with my boyfriend has been like a runaway roller coaster ride and I’ve been unemployed for most of the year. I have been trying to stay positive but it’s difficult when you get bombarded with negative events that really shape your life. The holidays aren’t helping at all :(
I know that in the end I’ll be okay because it always seems to work out somehow. But for the time being, I’m doing the best I can to hold it together. I feel like I’m in a perpetual fog and can’t see clearly. I’m trying to get back to the person that I used to be (happy, outgoing, etc) but I just feel lost – like I don’t know who I am anymore. I wish I knew what I needed to do to speed things up a little.

james December 21, 2010 at 5:06 pm

you need to look within yourself to find the answers to your questions. Raptitude can tell you nothing you cant tell yourself. you have so many experiences you can call upon. you know the answer, even if its had to see right now.

Stephanie December 23, 2010 at 4:14 am

Not fantastic. Overall my life is going well. I’m settling into my life as a new college student, and up until a month ago I was more or less the happiest I’ve ever been. But because I’m young and stupid, I more or less set myself up for my first heartbreak. Despite my intentions, I was starting to really fall for this guy… and so was he, so he freaked and broke it off with me. Neither of us are giving each other a chance to get over it, because we both want to still be around each other… which in my opinion means we should be together, since we had something good going. It’s frustrating as hell because he knows it, but he’s so confused about what he wants from his life right now and there’s nothing more for me to do than what I did: tell him how I fell about him and that I think he’s making a mistake walking away from this. And the best he can do is tell me he’s sorry but he just doesn’t know what to do.
I put on a happy face everyday around him because I’m trying really hard for us to stay friends. He’s one of my closest friends, and even if I wanted to, cutting him out of my life is not possible (people were NOT JOKING when they told me dormcest was a bad idea… how do you get over someone you live with and hang out with constantly??). I can literally count on one hand how many days in the last 6 weeks I didn’t cry, and that scares the hell out of me because it means I’m in deeper than I thought. I don’t know how to get over him, and I don’t think I’d want to if I could because I STILL feel like we aren’t done yet because he can’t tell me that he doesn’t still have feelings for me. The thought of us really, really never being anything more than friends sends me in an emotional tailspin. Also I want to punch him in the dick for being so so so stupid for walking away from what could be just because he decided before he met me that he was done with relationships for a while. We were good together, and we care about each other and I KNOW we should give it a shot. And for god’s sake, I’m not trying to marry the guy, so I don’t know what he’s so scared of :/
Also, I’m mildly freaking out because I know he’s hanging out with his ex girlfriend now that we’re home for winter break, and even though I know he’s not the type to hook up with a recent ex, I still feel sick thinking of them together while I have to go 3 weeks without seeing him. And I’m terrified that when we go back to school, he’ll have used the time apart to get over me and then any chance there was will bo gone and it’ll be just me still trying to pretend that I’m cool with us just being bestest buddies and that I’m not half out of my mind from wanting him back.
Wow, that was theraputic. Maybe now I can finally sleep.

G December 23, 2010 at 8:20 am

First off, I know that every cell in your body is telling you that this is a life-or-death matter, but please trust that it doesn’t really matter. I wish you satisfaction and all that, but it seems that lasting satisfaction is quite uncommon so we have to find a way to live without necesarily getting what we want.

Romantic love scares people off sometimes not just because of fear of commitment or future break-ups. There’s an antipathy right at the heart of what romantic love is. When somone loves you they want to possess you. It can feel cloying. When someone ‘needs’ you; when they depend on you for their happiness, it can cause feelings of aversion and sort of trigger the flight-instinct. Feeling this emotional dependency arise in himself, he may want to turn away and regain a sense of independence.

If there’s an ex around that he’s still close to then I’m guessing he may have a wearied, cautious perspective. He may distrust big feelings and prefer ‘the devil he knows’. But it is just a guess seeing as I’ve never met the guy – this is the trouble with asking/offering advice to strangers on the Internet. ;-)

If your best idea is to punch him in the dick then I suppose a suggestion from me can do no harm: I think that he will want to know that his feelings are really based on something and that you are not just some pretty girl who will bore him and become burdensome in a few months’ time or once the shagging loses its intensity or whatever. If you can do anything to get your desired result – and I don’t know whether you can – I suggest ensuring that he sees how much you have in common; how your values and interests are complementary and how you would make a good team etc. Assuming that you really are compatible – people have been known to fall for haircuts, you know. :-)

Good luck.

G December 23, 2010 at 8:22 am

This time without the HTML italics cock-up:

First off, I know that every cell in your body is telling you that this is a life-or-death matter, but please trust that it doesn’t really matter. I wish you satisfaction and all that, but it seems that lasting satisfaction is quite uncommon so we have to find a way to live without necesarily getting what we want.

Romantic love scares people off sometimes not just because of fear of commitment or future break-ups. There’s an antipathy right at the heart of what romantic love is. When somone loves you they want to possess you. It can feel cloying. When someone ‘needs’ you; when they depend on you for their happiness, it can cause feelings of aversion and sort of trigger the flight-instinct. Feeling this emotional dependency arise in himself, he may want to turn away and regain a sense of independence.

If there’s an ex around that he’s still close to then I’m guessing he may have a wearied, cautious perspective. He may distrust big feelings and prefer ‘the devil he knows’. But it is just a guess seeing as I’ve never met the guy – this is the trouble with asking/offering advice to strangers on the Internet. ;-)

If your best idea is to punch him in the dick then I suppose a suggestion from me can do no harm: I think that he will want to know that his feelings are really based on something and that you are not just some pretty girl who will bore him and become burdensome in a few months’ time or once the shagging loses its intensity or whatever. If you can do anything to get your desired result – and I don’t know whether you can – I suggest ensuring that he sees how much you have in common; how your values and interests are complementary and how you would make a good team etc. Assuming that you really are compatible – people have been known to fall for haircuts, you know. :-)

Good luck.

Anon December 24, 2010 at 9:59 pm

My mom is actually out of town. She went to NC for Christmas to spend with my aunt and uncle this year. I could’ve gone with her, but me and my uncle get along exponentially less every time I visit and I’m not pushing my luck. Plus I have a lot of work to do on music and I need some quality time to myself before I start the new semester of school.
I’m having an increasingly hard time getting motivated, even though I planned for this week to be productive. A girl I was dating – who initially was going to come over while I had the place to myself for a while – dumped me yesterday. We’d even bought each other gifts… Luckily I’d guessed it was coming and pushed myself to get over her before it even happened, before she was honest with herself and ran away.
So no s/o, only distant family, and my friends are pretty busy with their own stuff too. The single most likely scenario is that I will spend Christmas completely by myself. But… I guess I’ll try anything once..Pardon my rudeness, but I certainly hope I don’t have to stay sober through it.

Kim Lianne December 27, 2010 at 6:30 pm

Hello, I hope your holiday was a warm and happy one, David.

During the festivities, my thoughts wandered to winter holidays past as they always do this time of year. I did have some difficult moments I tried to gracefully wade through during this holiday but generally felt hopeful about the changes and new adventures to come.
I’m glad that I managed to feel wonder, peace and a spiritual connection to my family and life and the season when I let myself remember to breathe. I felt supreme connection and gratitude often and still. The gifts I loved the most this year were definitely not things bought in the mall. They were the big squeeze hugs my cousin (also David) gave me when I saw him for the first time in 12 years. Other gifts came in the form of special songs and the smile in my mom’s eyes. Another gift-like experience happened when I chanced upon lit candles surrounded by ice sculptures in the snow lining the deserted cemetery as I walked my parent’s dog.
There was also an incident involving some mistletoe…
I could have gone without that zebra print hot water bottle because I Love and am Loved. :)

So to answer your question:
How am I? My heart sometimes hurts but I’m doing well because I get it. I am so lucky. I have everything I need.
My mantra these last few days:
Peace. Light. Love. Forgiveness.
The hard feelings surface as they sometimes do–and then I try to shine the light on them and let them fade.
Less suffering, more Loving.
I wish the same for you and the rest.
Hugs,
KimLianne

Samantha Dermot January 15, 2011 at 1:23 am

I can’t totally explain how I felt when the holidays were fast approaching. I started thinking all the happenings in my past. I’m done with another year of my life again. Though there are some regrets, but overall, I’m satisfied with all the events, experiences and those things I had during 2010. Despite of all of these thoughts, I still felt excited because I can’t no longer wait to start a new chapter of my life in this 2011. Considering the Chinese astrology, 2011 (year of rabbit) can help everybody have a wonderful break in all aspects of their lives.

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